My 10 Favorite Rapper Ad Libs

Hello, everybody!  Guapo is back with another edition of Infinite Wisdom!  I've been riding the high I got from the success of my last post and haven't really had the time to write anything new/felt entitled to a little hiatus.  But isn't it better this way?  I like the idea that no one ever knows when I'm going to drop my next post.  It's unpredictable and just makes things much more exciting.  One day I'll wake up and decide I want to write something and later I will do so and release it.  Now what if on the same day your mom gets in a car accident?  You're in the waiting room at the hospital wondering if mommy's gonna be alright and then you see it!  A new post by Guapo about the Top 10 Milfs on TV and you've forgotten all about your problems!  (Thank the Lord!)  The point I'm trying to make is when you guys are sitting there wondering when my next post is dropping just know that unlike Detox my shit is eventually coming.  I might not come when you ask but I'm always on time.

Speaking of Detox, there's been some good rap albums dropping this year.  I copped Big Sean's Hall of Fame last week and that shit was fire. (Oh God!)  I love rap music.  I listen to other shit but I have more rap albums and mixtapes than any other genre of music.  My favorite thing about rap music: album skits!  My second favorite thing: ad libs!  I just love ad libs.  I don't understand why other music genres don't have ad libs.  In fact everything should have ad libs, especially blogs. (Tru!)  What is it about ad libs that's just so perfect?  Some rappers like to drop a nice bar and before you can react they hit you with an al lib.  It's like the Migos and their chirping.  Some rappers hit you the ad lib before they spit so you know they're about to go in.  Think Pusha T's "Yughh!" or Jadakiss' weird parakeet-type sound.  And sometimes the rapper just has an ad lib to let you know whose track you're listening to, like Hov's "'Sha Boy!"  I've decided to compose a list of my favorite rapper ad libs.  The list will be decided based on creativity and recognition.  So strap in your seat belts because this is going to be quite the ride.

10.  Gucci Mane (Best ad lib: Burr!)
I don't really fucks with Gucci like that in all honesty.  I might've downloaded a mixtape a while back and never got around to listening to all of it.  I do fucks with his ad libs though.  I find myself yelling out "Burr!" when it's 90 degrees out.  It's mad catchy.  He's not just a one trick pony though, he can also yell out his name and shit!

9.  Lil B (Best ad lib: Swag!)
I admit it.  I actually fucks with Lil B.  I copped that Everything Based tape a few years back.  I even copped some of his non-classics.  His lines are as complex as the formations of bottle-nosed dolphins.  "Hoes on my dick cuz I look like Jesus!"  Anywho, he drops in that "Swag!" in between those bars and made that shit hot for a cool second.  I used to say "Swag" all the time before I became a man with a job and a blog.  Don't forget about that "Whoop!" that Based God yells.  When I used to cook I used to "Whoop!" while turning my spatula.

8.  Juicy J (Best ad lib: We Trippy Mane)
Juicy J can't say no to a lot of things, including ad libs.  And we thank him for that. His "We trippy mane" ad lib has a few variations.  Sometimes it's just a simple "Trippy" to let us know he's here for us.  (On a side note I still need to cop Stay Trippy.)  Juicy J also throws in that high pitched "Shutdafuckup!" we've all grown to love.

7.  DMX (Best ad lib: Grrrrrr!)
DMX is a scary guy.  He's from Yonkers.  That's where dreams die and reincarnate as nightmares.  By the looks of DMX's music videos the only female there is Eve.  Also I'm sure DMX is the type of guy who goes to jail for the sole purpose of getting to rape another man in the shower.  That being said I fucks with this guy's music hard.  I don't know what it is but his "Grrrr!" gets me fucking juiced.  And then he does is dog bark and I'm driving to the nearest correctional facility to confess a crime I never committed.  He'll also yell out "Come on!" which is prefect when you're trying to finish your last set.

6.  Eminem (Best ad lib: Hey!)
Eminem is a little tough to write about because he doesn't really have a go-to ad lib like most rapper.  Instead he makes these sound effects that somehow go with the line he just dropped.  Sometimes it's a fart noise.  Sometimes he'll yell out "Ow!" after he drops a line about shooting himself in the head or anything alse that seems a little painful.  And every once in a while he hits us with a "Hey!"  Either way Eminem probably has some the more humorous ad libs in the game earning him a solid spot on this list.

5.  Jim Jones (Best ad lib: Ballin'!)

Jim Jones is similar to Eminem in the fact that he ad libs specific to the line he just spit.  But he does have his ol' faithfuls that he likes to use.  He also ad libs more than any other rapper I know.  I think every line comes with a ad lib.  You can make a whole song with just his ad libs.  He drops that "We in the building" and "Flossin!" and you can't forget about "Ballin!"

4.  Big Sean (Best ad lib: Boi!)
Sean doesn't really say "Boi!" anymore, but that's what I like about him.  His ad libs evolve as he evolves.  They make an already entertaining rapper even more entertaining.  His early ad libs were great.  He had "I do it" and "woahder".  And Sean saying, "I fuck yo bitch with a Louie Vuitton condom" before his verse on "My Closet" is still the best thing I ever heard.  But Big Sean is more mature and has grown man ad libs like "Oh God!" and "Hol' Up" and sometimes he'll hit you with that "Mmmmmm!"  Let's see what new ad libs he as when his next shit drops.

 
3.  Rick Ross (Best ad lib: Ughh!)
So what if Rick Ross has some kind of lying disability.  I think his ad libs should more than make up more his lack of honesty.  He really only has two ad libs that he relies on, but it's not about the quantity of ad libs, it's about the quality of ad libs and how you use your ad libs.  You got your standard Rick Ross grunt which lets you know that Rick Ross is about spit some heavily exaggerated yet beautiful bars.  Plus he also has his "Woo!" that he likes to sprinkle along his songs for effect.

2.  2 Chainz (Best ad lib: Tru!)
I don't think 2 Chainz would be 2 Chainz if he didn't yell out "2 Chainz" before his verses.  And the rest of his ad libs are on point.  His ad libs are what I would have yelled out if he didn't already do it for me.  Sometimes he'll spit something really nice and before I can yell, "Damn!" 2 Chainz already did that for me.  I started saying "Tru" because of 2 Chainz.  That's some influence.  We can't forget about Tity Boi's other favorites like "Tell 'Em" and "Yah".  He would've gotten first except someone else much better at ad libs beat him to it.  And that man is...

1. Young Jeezy (Best ad lib: Yeeaah!!)
Technically he's just Jeezy now but I don't really pay any attention to these subtle name changes.  I never dropped "The" from The Game's name.  At least it's not something arbitrary like dropping a hyphen from your name.  (I'm looking at you Hov.)  Back to the topic, Snowman is the king of ad libs.  I lied earlier; quantity does have a little to do with this list.  Like Jim Jones, Young Jeezy likes to rapid fire his ad libs and stuff as many as he can into one song.  But it's the combo of quantity an quality that sets him apart from everyone else.  Of course there's the world famous "Yeeaah" but we also have his "Cheea".  There's his laugh and "That's Right" and "Dayum!"  We can't forget about "Ay!!!"  There's too many to include in one paragraph.  So congrats Snowman!  Can we get a celebratory ad lib? (Ay!!!!)

And that's a wrap guys.  I hope you've enjoyed this list.  What do you guys think?  Did I leave anyone out?  I had a lot of people to choose from.  I'm gonna get out of here but make sure you stay tuned and look out for any of my upcoming posts.  I also have a spin-off blog that will be released for the first time tonight so you can check that out.  It's a little project I planned less than a year ago that I'm finally watching come to fruit.  Make sure you keep up with me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  My Tumblr is sirelguapo.tumblr.com.  As always feel free to comment.  Stay Guapo out there!

My Sister's 15th Birthday!

Hello all!  El Guapo is back once again to grace you guys with my written presence.  It's been a while since I've written and I'll take responsibility for that.  I know I promised that this summer I would write more often but unfortunately for you my social life didn't regress like I planned.  (God damn my social life!)  But I guess it balances out, doesn't it?   I mean I provided three solid posts in June so you can't really complain about a dry July.  To be honest I wasn't too proud of my last post about the NBA Draft classes.  It was a little rushed and not as well researched as it should have been.  You deserve better than that.  I can write better than that.  But that's enough of the past.  Let's get started on the present.

Today is a very, very special day!  Today is my little sister's 15th birthday.  Yes, El Guapo does indeed have a little sister.  And while she may not posses the same charm and wit that the Guaps is known for, Andrea is definitely cut from the same fabric.  (It's a very nice silky fabric.)  And her being the biggest doubter of my blog I've decided to write a special post for her on her special day.  Ah yes, 15 years old.  I can honestly say I don't remember my 15th birthday.  Come to think of it, I don't remember most of my birthdays including my last one.  Is it the sandwiches I've eaten?  Was it the car accident in '96?  Am I losing it at an abnormally young age?  Never the matter because even if I don't remember my sister's Quince, she most definitely will!  So to make this birthday memorable I've conducted a list of 15 Things That Annoy My Little Sister.

1. Question Her Fashion Choices
Now, the Guaps loves fashion.  I really do give a shit about what I look like.  There's a reason I don't even own a pair of sweatpants.  The only person I know who is more intense about that shit is my sweet little sister.  I actually respect her opinion enough that before I leave the house I might pop in her room just to make sure she approves of my outfit.  It's not so much a "family' thing because our parents are some of the worst dressers in the planet.  We arose from the rubble and bloomed like amazing looking daisies.  We took one look at our parents and collectively said, "Not Today!" and walked away from the Kirkland Brand life.  That is why if I really feel like messing with my sister I'll take a look at my sister and ask her, "You're wearing that?"  The look in her eyes is a combo of betrayal, shame and loathing.  You can't miss it.

2. Call Her Countess
I've come up with numerous nicknames for Andrea, most of which she hated.  None of them really stuck though.  But then I struck gold with Countess.  Everyone who knows me knows I love dinosaurs.  (Ain't nothing wrong with it.)  So I while back a YouTube show came out called Dino Yacht Club.  The plot is simple:  Three lovable British Dinosaurs fight terrorist for the United States government.  Wonderful concept indeed.  My sister hated it, especially because I would quote the show everyday, all day.  One of the dinosaurs was named Countess so I started calling Andrea that.  At some point in time it just stuck and she started to respond to it.  So it looks as if the name is here to stay.

3.  Talk During Movies
Most people aren't particularly fond of people talking during movies.  Unfortunately if you're watching a movie with my family there's going to be a lot of talking.  My grandma will try to have a random ass conversation with you or comment how they should've let the four-year-old die in the movie.  My mom will ask a lot of questions like, "Who's that guy?"  and "Where did that guy come from?" and "Is that the same guy from the beginning of the movie?"  My dad falls asleep during the movies and takes off his shoes.  I will sit there and make fun of everybody in that motherfucker.  Meanwhile my sweet little sister will watch the movie quietly and pretend she wouldn't mind being kidnapped right then.

4.  Make Politically Incorrect Jokes
Speaking of me making fun of everyone, I really have no line whatsoever.  None.  I will make fun of anybody!  Guy in wheelchair falling down a flight of stairs?  Not off limits.  (What an asshole!)  I'm actually tame compared to the rest of my family.  My mom is pretty awful too, she just won't admit to it.  You don't want to talk to my grandma.  The first time I had one of my black friends drop me off at home my grandma came up to me and told me to be careful because they are probably going to try to rob me.  That's her being as politically correct as she'll ever be.  My sister is nothing like us in that respect.  She watches Glee so she actually believes that just because you're different that doesn't mean you're not a winner.  Ain't that cute!?

5.  Take a Picture Without Her Knowing
This is easy.  Nobody likes to be caught off guard, especially the Countess.  So take a picture and she'll hate you for the day.  She hates me for me life!  I got pics on pics on pics of her.  In fact I'm debating posting one right now.  On one hand it'll be easy.  On the other hand she'll be super mad and I do have to live with her for another month.  She might break my writing hand.  (Y'all don't want that.)  But then again this is my blog and I do what the fuck I want.  On the contrary this is her birthday and I ought to be nice.  Hmm.  I won't do it.

6.  Give Her a Long Ass Lecture
This happens too often in my household.  Me and my sister aren't perfect but we're pretty damn close.  We'll make some mistakes and get lectures from our parents.  I've learned how to space out and fake an entire conversation by nodding, smiling and titling my head at appropriate moments.  My sister hasn't mastered this so she has to endure these pointless lectures.  There are all the same speech anyway.  All of them.  The worst lectures come from my grandma because they are incoherent and don't make any sense.  They don't follow some linear pattern.  Nobody ever knows what the hell she's talking about.  (I love my grandma!!)  My sister looks like she's contemplating suicide via samurai method when she's getting one of these lectures.

7.  Mispronounce Her Name
This is more some shit that happens outside of the Guapo household.  There are two ways to pronouncing Andrea.  There's the white way which sounds like And- Drea and the regular way that puts the emphasis over the "Dre".  I guess white people get this shit wrong a lot because my sister will come home mad as shit if someone didn't say her name right.  I understand it to some extent.  For some reason East Coast folk pronounce Mario weird.

8.  Drive Recklessly
Some people just can't drive.  The Countess doesn't like that.  She likes smooth car rides where she can enjoy her One Direction CD in peace.  That doesn't happen very often.  My mom has trouble staying in her lane.  My dad makes very abrupt turns and drives ridiculously fast in a residential zone.  I let go of the wheel just to fuck with whoever is in the car.  Who knows who my grandma has her licence.  My sister just can't catch a break.

9.  Park Far
Speaking of vehicles, don't park far from your destination if you want to see Andrea smile.  I don't like seeing her smile so I park two blocks from where ever she needs to go and make her walk.  I get it people, "It's expensive to park there.  I hate meters, those quarters add up after a while."  That's fine, just don't be surprised if my sister doesn't want to talk to you on the walk over.  Andrea likes walking like I like Sacramento.  We don't.  Her dislike of walking has brought me one of my favorite Countess Quotes:  I prefer to drive.

10.  Imitate Her Voice
Speaking of quoting Andrea, don't do it.  She hates it, especially if you do her high pitched voice while doing it.  I do that shit all the time and misquote her.  It gets her so mad it's hysterical.  She'll throw a fit and then you can imitate that fit.  My uncle does that all the time too.  Imitating her voice is like insulting her family except much worse because she doesn't really like her family, understandably.  There's a lot of material to work with so go crazy kids!

11.  Disturb Her Sleep
Don't wake her up.  She'll do that on her own time.  I don't have to worry about waking up in the morning because I don't wake up in the morning.  At night that's a different story.  I'm just tryna watch some goddamn Netflix and she comes out of her room to complain about my volume.  My parents are different.  They'll wake her up in the morning to ask her some pointless shit like, "Have you seen my jeans?"  My sister responds with a groggy "No" which is her way of saying, "Why the hell would your jeans be in my room?!?"  She doesn't let the dog sleep with her because apparently he snores too loudly and loves Toby.

12.  Tell a Bad Joke... Then Keep Telling It
Not every joke is a home run.  In fact if you're my mom, grandma or dad they are probably strike outs.  It's cool, not everyone has the comedic genius that I posses.  My sister would respond to this by saying, "You're not funny, Mario!  You're jokes don't make me laugh."  Well, do jokes really have to be funny?  "Yes."  True, but people in this house don't get that concept so we'll keep telling these bad jokes.  My grandma will ramble something nobody understands and start laughing so I'm assuming she just told a joke.  She'll then repeat the same incoherent sentence and laugh again.  (That's comedy.)  I like to yell "Burn!" whenever anyone says anything to Andrea because she'll respond angrily and say I'm using that word wrong.  For example:
Mom: Andrea, make sure to lock the door when you leave.
Guapo: Burn!!
Countess:  HOW IS THAT A BURN?!?!?!?

13.  Go Out To Eat Without Her
Everybody hates it when their family goes out to get something to eat and don't even invite you.  This happens in my family sometimes and my sister isn't too pleased when this happens.  Her anger is usually directed at me because I'll leave the house and get something to eat and forget my sister is starving at home.  I can't feel too bad though because my family always goes out without me.  Sometimes I'll come home and be greeted with a, "By the way, we went to The Rain Forest Cafe without you."  Can you believe that?  I feel myself getting mad now!  This more for me than it is for Andrea at this point.  I think my family doesn't like me anymore.

14.  Pinch Her Cheeks
Grandmas do this all the time when you're a kid.  At least you get candy or a few bucks out of it.  You don't get shit out of it when you're dick of an older brother pinches your cheeks.  You're welcome, Countess!  I don't remember the last time I tried to pinch her cheeks and she didn't attack me immediately.  The good news for Andrea is that she only has to put up with it for less than a month and I'm back in LA.  She should be enjoying this while she still can.  That ingrate!

15.  Tell Her to "Waddle Faster"
I come from a family of slow walkers.  I mean turtle slow.  And it's not like we have particularly long legs.  When my little sister tries to move her little legs faster to keep up she almost looks like a penguin trying to waddle through the ices of Antarctica.  So if I want her to keep up I just yell at her to waddle faster.  She will be mad as shit and start to move her legs as fast as she can so she can hit me.  At least it gets the job done!  I can't tell you how many bruises I have as a result of telling the Countess to waddle faster.

That's my time folks.  I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.  It's a little different from my other posts as it's more of a glimpse of my personal life and my family but I hope you appreciate it.  If you hated don't worry I'll go back to talking about MILFs, sports and being awesome.  To Andrea, the sweet little Countess, I hope you liked this.  I pray all your wishes come true and that you enjoyed your special day.  To everyone else, keep on the look out for my blog posts.  Follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3, stalk me on Facebook, follow me on Instagram at CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME and Tumblr at sirelguapo.tumblr.com.  I think that's it.  Have a great night and stay Guapo out there!

Top 10 NBA Draft Classes

Hello guy!  Guapo is back with another edition of Infinite Wisdom.  Tonight we are talking about the NBA Draft, something I really used to care about when the Warriors were habitual lottery pickers.  (Those days are over.)  But I'm still interested in seeing where these draftees will land.  Sure, this isn't a very strong draft class.  I don't see a lot of these players making it big in the NBA.  So it got me thinking about some of the best classes.  So I decided to make a list ranking the 10 best draft classes.  These draft classes will be judged on the success of the draftees in the NBA.  I will take into account the Hall of Famers and and all-stars.  For the more recent draft classes I will do my best to project which players could potentially bes Hall of Famers.  Here we go.

10. 1970 (Best Pick: Pete Maravich)
I did some actual research for this post and I came up with 1970 for #10.  The first pick was Bob Lanier by Detroit.  Pistol Pete was taken third.  We also have Nate Archibald and Dave Cowens being drafted in 1970.  Maybe this isn't a draft full off the most popular and well known players to ever play but it does include five Hall of Famers.  Don't worry the list gets better.  (Not by much.)

9. 1998 (Best Pick: Dirk Nowitzki)
This draft featured possibly the best foreign player to ever play the game in Dirk Nowitzki  He's a former NBA MVP and a Finals MVP.  There's another Finals MVP in this draft in Paul Pierce was was taken 9th immediately after Dirk.  That's two definite future Hall of Famers.  And although I don't agree, I have heard Hall of Fame arguments for Vince Carter who was also taken in this draft.  He's an 8 time all-star and an All NBA Second Team selection.  Again, I don't agree with it, but I wouldn't be that shocked if it somehow happened.

8. 1992 (Best Pick: Shaquille O' Neal)
In 1992 two of the greatest centers the league has ever seen were picked first and second.  Shaquille O' Neal is an obvious future Hall Of Famer.  He was four rings under his belt including three Finals MVPs.  He was league MVP in 2000 and is one of the most dominant players to ever play the game.  Alonzo Mourning was the second pick and would eventually win a title playing alongside Shaq with the Heat.  His many accolades give him a deserving spot on the Hall of Fame.  And who knows, if Christian Laettner had actually panned out like people thought he would this draft would be higher up the list.

7.  1960 (Best Pick: Jerry West)
Here's a draft non of my readers remember, including me.  So who came out of this draft?  We got Jerry West who is an NBA Champion with the Lakers and the only player to my knowledge who was the Finals MVP on the losing team. (Da fuck?)  We also have Hall of Famer Oscar Robertson who was the first walking triple-double.  Moving on.

6.  1989 (Best Pick: Shawn Kemp)
While this draft doesn't have any Hall of Famers, it has at least two players that should be considered.  First is Shawn Kemp.  He alongside Gary Payton lead the Supersonics to the NBA Finals.  He was a 6 time all-star and played on the USA team during the 1994 World Championships.  The next is Tim Hardaway who is famous for the UTEP Two-Step.  Played for the Warriors during the Run TMC era and had some good years with the Heat.  He was a 5 time all-star and made the All NBA First Team in 1997.

5. 1987 (Best Pick: David Robinson)
The 1987 draft featured three Hall of Famers and one player that should be a Hall of Famer.  David Robinson was a two time NBA Champion with Tim Duncan and the Spurs.  He was a member of the Dream Team.  He was league MVP in 1995.  His Dream Team teammate, Scottie Pippen is also a Hall of Famer.  He won six championships with the Chicago Bulls and was one of the best defensive players to play the game.  Reggie Miller was the best three-point shooter in the league's history until Ray Allen showed up.  Mark Jackson deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.  He is third all time in assists.  (Is that good?)  And just because, I'll throw Horace Grant's name in there as a notable draft pick.

4.  1985 (Best Pick: Patrick Ewing)
In 1985 four draft picks eventually went on to be inducted in the Hall of Fame.  The first pick was Pat Ewing who was the leader of the Knicks throughout the 80s and 90s and led them to the Finals twice.  He never won a ring but he was part of the Dream Team and an 11 time all-star.  Chris Mullin went #7 for the Warriors and was part of that aforementioned Dream Team with Pat Ewing and Run TMC team with Tim Hardaway.  Karl Malone lead the Utah Jazz to the Finals twice where he lost both times to Michael Jordan and the Bulls.  He won the league MVP twice in 1997 and 1999.  He was also part of the Dream Team.  Joe Dumars is the only Hall of Famer in this draft class to win a championship and was even Finals MVP in 1989 with the Detroit Pistons.

3.  2003 (Best Pick: LeBron James)
This is the most recent draft class and the third best.  LeBron James is obviously a future Hall of Famer.  He's one of the best all around players of all time.  He's a four time league MVP.  He's a two time NBA Champion and Finals MVP.  Dwayne Wade will be inducted in the Hall of Fame.  He's a three time champion and has a Finals MVP under his belt from 2006.  As much as I hate to say it Chris Bosh will probably make the Hall of Fame.  He was a vital player during the two championships the Heat have won so far.  Carmelo Anthony will probably also make the Hall of Fame despite not having a ring.  Maybe this draft class will move down in Melo and Bosh don't end up making it.

2.  1996 (Best Pick: Kobe Bryant)
There aren't Hall of Famers in this class yet, but there will be.  Obviously we have Kobe Bryant.  As much as I don't like him I can't deny the truth.  Five time NBA Champion, two time Finals MVP, and league MVP in 2008.  There's a bunch of other shit too.  The first overall pick Allen Iverson should also be inducted.  He was league MVP in 2001 and lead the 76ers to the Finals.  Ray Allen is the greatest three-point shooter of all time and is a two time champion.  Steve Nash is a two time league MVP.  That's four potential Hall of Famers.

1.  1984 (Best Pick: Michael Jordan)
Even if Mike was the only good player out of this draft class I'd probably still put this class as number one.  But there's a bunch of other great players from this class too, so there's some cushion between 1984 and 1996.  But let's get through this draft class.  Michael Jordan is a six time champion, six time Finals MVP, five time league MVP, blah, blah, blah, greatest player of all time.  The #1 draft pick was Hakeem Olajuwon who lead the Houston Rockets to two championships and was MVP in 1994.  Charles Barkely never won a ring but was league MVP once and lead the Suns to the Finals.  John Stockton is one of the best point guards of all time and lead the Jazz to the Finals twice.  In summation this draft class was alright.

Okay folks, that's my time.  I hope you enjoyed this post.  Did you guys watch the NBA draft? (No.)  I don't blame you, but I did and I don't think it will ever make this list.  Follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  I'm out of here.  Stay tuned for more posts.  Stay Guapo out there!

Ranking the NBA Finals Losers since 2003 (Version 2.0)

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1 Year Anniversary

Hello folks!  This is El Guapo again with another edition of Infinite Wisdom.  Today is a very special day.  One year ago on this day I wrote the very first post of Infinite Wisdom from El Guapo’s Brain.  I can honestly say I didn't expect to keep writing this one year later.  (I didn't expect to be writing one month later.)  Has anything really changed in one year?  Yes and no.  I’m still the same Guaps: smart, charismatic, sexy.  I returned to my old summer job at Bath Fitter.  But maybe I’m a little bit more mature.  (Not really.)  I got to go back to college and you can argue that my writing is better.  I do.  (I might be wrong.)  I’m just glad that you guys have stuck around for a year and allowed me to write these prophetic words for your eyes to read.

Here is a brief story to celebrate this special occasion.  This is the story of how I got a free gym membership by complimenting a girl's ass.  One year ago I was working at Bath Fitter.  I had the same position I have today but with less pay.  I basically stand by my company's display and talk to people about the product.  That part isn't really important.  I was at an event out in Walnut Creek with one of my co-workers and we were just standing around.  There was this gym from Walnut Creek with a display.  They were signing people up for gym memberships at the event.  This will be relevant in a little bit.  So I notice my co-worker staring out at something.  I look to see what is captivating her and then I see it.  THE MOST AMAZING ASS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!  I'm not fucking around here.  I have never seen a better ass than the aforementioned ass.  And she's white!  (What?!?)  And she was wearing yoga pants.  YOGA PANTS!  Imagine the best ass you could possibly think of.  That ass would be cute compared to this ass.  And just know I don't go randomly awarding "Best Ass" awards to every girl I see.  

  

So naturally I'm staring at this lady's donk for a while.  Then after a few minutes of drooling my co-worker breaks the silence and says, "You seeing what I'm seeing?"  I say, "Yeah.  God's gift to mankind."  She starts talking about how jealous she is and I talk about how I've never seen anything like that.  At some point my co-working tells me to ask her how she gets her butt so perfect.  If you know me, you know I have absolutely no shame so I agree.  So I walk up and on my way to this lady with the perfect glutes I'm going through my mind on how I can ask this girl about her ass without getting slapped.  "I gotta be smooth with it" I think to myself.  I finally reach the lady and my mind goes blank.  I gotta say something, anything to not make this awkward so I open my mouth and what comes out is, "That is the best ass I've ever seen."  I'm expecting this lady to get mad but instead she smiles and takes the compliment.  We get to talking about her rear and what she does to maintain it.  (Ladies, she knows what she's doing.)  During this convo I'm kind of leaning over every once in a while to get another glimpse.  After a while she tells about the gym she works for and how they have a special for 20 bucks or something for the month.  But since I'm such a nice guy I get a month for free!  I never actually ended up using my month trail since I'm never in Walnut Creek.  The moral of the story: be like me.

I apologize this post is so short.  I just wanted to give you guys a brief post in celebration of my blog’s one year anniversary.  I’m in New York City this week on vacation.  This city is hella dope.  There’s all these tall buildings and shit.  I might not want to go back home.  I may or may not write my next blog post on my vacation.  (I probably won’t.)  I hope you guys enjoy your summer.  Stay tuned for my next blog post.  Follow me on Twitter @ElGUAPO3 and my Instagram name is CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  Stay Guapo out there!