Ranking the How I Met Your Mother Seasons (Series Finale Version)

Oh hey guys!  Didn't see you there!  I've just been sitting here and reminiscing over the last 21 years.  (We get it!  You're 21!)  For the new kids in school, let me introduce myself.  My name is El Guapo and I'm the sole proprietor of this blog.  Every once in a (long) while when I'm in the mood I'll sit down in front of my laptop and write some magnificent shit for your eye holes to admire.  Speaking of reminiscing, I know I'm not the only one busting out the ice cream bucket for the finale of How I Met Your Mother.  It's been a long ride but this show has finally come to an end.  So instead of crying about it and decided to write about it to celebrate its long run on TV.  Yes, this post is just an updated version of a previous post.  (Not the first time he's done something like this.)  But I had to choose between binge watching the seasons 1 through 9 or coming up with an entirely new concept to write about this show before the finale on Monday.  One of the options required significantly less work than the other.  So let's suit up and count this mother down.

  
For those who don't know, How I Met Your Mother is basically an old Ted telling his kids the story of how he met his wife and their mother.  The show's gone on for 9 seasons now and if I had to give the show a review on the spot I'd give it a solid "Guapo".  It's a touching story of Ted Mosby's quest for true love and aren't we all looking for that special gal to call our baby mama?  My ideal girl has wide enough birthing hips to give birth to my 8 pound squid baby.  (Everyone knows Guapo babies come out the womb with tentacles.)  So let's get started with this ranking! 

9. Season 6 (Best Episode- Blitzgiving)
This season was by no means a bad one, it was just the least good out of the rest of the seasons.  Marshall's dad's death made me super sad.  Can anyone really tell me they were a fan of Zoey and keep a straight face?  (I can't.)  She was kinda hot though, and Katy Perry was too.  Plus who doesn't love the Captain.  He is the epitome of the man I want to grow to be.  The Blitz was also good for laughs.  (We all have that one friend who ends up being the Blitz.)

8. Season 7 (Best Episode- Trilogy Time)
I loved Quinn.  If Barney had been marrying Quinn instead of Robin I honestly wouldn't be that mad.  I'm just glad he didn't end up with Nora.  The season finale was great.  (Waitforit is still the coolest middle name of all time!)  I'm just hung up on the fact that Ted is still hung up on Robin.  I mean Jesus, buddy.  Her vagina broke!  She can't push a squid baby through that thing.

7. Season 8 (Best Episode- P.S. I Love You)
The return of a darker Robin Sparkles! And the Captain is back!  I could do without Victoria but at least Robin and Barney are finally together and it looks like it'll be forever!  Plus at long last we finally meet the mother.  I don't know about you guys but I was getting restless.  After years of being teased I was ready for this.  Plus that bat shit crazy girl Jeanette was good for a few laughs.  And who doesn't love Patrice?

6. Season 2 (Best Episode- Slap Bet)
So many great moments in this season.  There's the girl with the crazy eyes, we met Barney's gay, black brother and Lily and Marshall got married.  And am I the only one who fantasizes their bachelor party being like Marshall's?  (Probably.)  This is really where I think the show elevated itself into a great show.  Only reason I put this so low on the list is because I'm not a fan of that Ted/Robin combo.

5. Season 9 (Best Episode- The End of the Aisle)

This season is the most creative of the series in terms of its structure.  A whole season fit into just a matter of days.  It's no 24 Hours but hey, they did a hell of a job with it.  They gave us glimpses of the future while also tying up loose ends.  It certainly didn't lack in comedic or dramatic moments.  And I think we were all relieved when Ted finally got over Robin.  The End of the Aisle is my favorite episode for now, pending the premiere of the finale.  I'm sure people were cheering when Robin and Barney got married.  This season has some wiggle room to move up or down this list depending on how the finale goes.

 

4. Season 1 (Best Episode- The Pineapple Incident)
This is really before the show hit its comedic stride but I couldn't deny it had some great moments.  This is the season where we met poor innocent little Ted.  Marshall wasn't fat yet.  Game Night is still one of my favorite episodes and would be my favorite of this season if it weren't for the genius that is The Pineapple Incident.  And up until the season 8 finale I was pushing for the mother to be Mary the Paralegal.

3. Season 5 (Best Episode- Girls vs Suits)
This is actually the very first season I watched in full.  I saw this season and fell in love with the show and I had to go back and watch every single season.  I loved seeing Robin and Barney together, even if it was only for a few episodes.  Plus the Playbook was awesome.  I actually bought a copy of it.  Can't tell if it works or not though. (It really doesn't, but who cares.)  Slapsgiving came back and a grand musical number about suits sung by Barney?  Yes, please.  There were so many good episodes in this season like the inspirational The Perfect Week and Say Cheese.  It was really just a good all round season.

 

2. Season 3 (Best Episode- Slapsgiving)
How about instead of me listing the episodes I liked I just list the episodes I didn't like... Hold on...Couldn't find any.  This is the season when they introduced the Bro Code.  (Another book I ended up purchasing at the extinct Borders.)  Barney and Robin hooked up for the first time and Ted got a tramp stamp!  Plus who can say no to Barney's green St. Patty's Day Suit?

1. Season 4 (Best Episode- The Naked Man)
This is season when How I Met Your Mother hit its prime.  I'm not saying the show got progressively worse but it was at its best during season 4.  Barney was chasing Robin and Ted got engaged, then left at the alter.  (Sad but entertaining.)  The Naked Man is still a move I want to do one day.  ( Who wouldn't.)  And I loved Barney's video resume.  To top it all off Barney had sex with his 200th woman.  That's a lot.

Alright guys.  One last episode for the series and I'm looking forward to it.  I'm glad to see how everything is shaping together.  I want to give a thank you to the cast and creators of the show for putting this adventure together and making us fall in love with the characters.  So farewell to Ted, Barney, Marshall, Lilly and Robin.  (Don't forget Ranjit!)  As usual you can follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  It's been a legendary show and I hope this blog post did i justice.  Stay Guapo out there!

Living Life Through Movie Quotes (The Matrix)/Guapo turns 21

Hello once again readers.  This is El Guapo coming at you with another edition of Infinite Wisdom From El Guapo's Brain.  Do you know where I get a good chunk of my wisdom?  (The heavens?)  Nope.  Believe it or not sometimes I look to the cinema for inspiration.  Now I'm not talking about going to see a Tyler Perry movie for relationship advice or an Adam Sandler movie for family advice.  But the right movies can provide you with some gems to take home.  One movie that really inspires me is The Matrix.  The first time I saw it I was probably 6 years old and I saw it with my dad.  At 6 I really loved the action, the kung fu fighting, the gun shooting.  It was later on in my youth that I figured out what the story was and was able to appreciate it more and appreciate Trinity in black leather a lot more.  Now 21, or a grown ass man, I can dive deeper in this movie and pick out some quotes to guide me through life.  Here are some of my favorites.

"Get up, Trinity. Get up!"
This line comes from Trinity herself in the first scene in the movie.  She's running from the cops and the agents and she's jumped through a window and landed on her back with her pistols aimed at the window.  She's almost to the land line, she just needs to get up and get moving.  So she tells herself what she needs to do.  Sometimes we just need to motivate ourselves.  When we fall we just need to tell ourselves to get up.

"The answer is out there, Neo.  It's looking for you.  And it will find you.  If you want it to."
Another gem from Trinity.  This is from the scene where she meets Neo at that weird club where I'm sure people getting whipped for pleasure.  Neo wants to know what the Matrix is and this is Trinity's response.  It makes sense for all our major questions.  Sometimes the best way to find the answer, rather than to go out and search for it, it's best to let the answer come to you.  If you're open to it the answer is going to reach.

"You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up."
Morpheus hooks us up with this gem.  Damn.  Just marinate on that for a second.  A little bit longer.  Sometimes you look at a situation, life, work and you just accept it.  Not because you're a sheep like everyone else but because you can sense the truth.  You can see the puppet strings but you're still a puppet.  Likewise, Neo senses there is something off with his world, but it's not until Morpheus frees his mind that Neo can cut the strings.

"I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my own life."
Morpheus asks Neo the simple question.  "Do you believe in fate?"  Neo answers, "No."  This was his reason.  Everybody has their own answer to this question.  Personally I'm on the fence but I might lean towards no.  But whether you believe in fate or not his answer can still resonate with you.  The idea that I am not in control of my life and that I can't dictate one way or another how my life ends up is not one I can get on board with.

"Don't think you are.  Know you are."
Ain't this some real shit.  Morpheus should have been a life coach or at the very least a CYO basketball coach.  Attitude is one of the biggest obstacles in our way.  Sometimes the way we think gets in the way of our success.  And that's the key word: think.  If I think I'm the greatest blogger of this generation then at most it's just a thought.  It's an opinion that may or may not be right.  (It's right.)  There's room for doubt.  When you change the terminology to "know" it's a whole different story.  Because I know how good I am I can deliver A1 quality work to your screen every time I write.  I'm not limited because I know my strengths.

"Come on!  Stop trying to hit me and hit me!"
Morpheus with another gem.  Damn, this guy is like a walking Poor Richard's Almanac.  Again, this really has to do with how our attitude can alter our success.  You ever notice the difference between trying to accomplish a goal and actually accomplishing it?  The difference is you're actually doing it.  Sounds simple, execution is a little harder.  But when you get your head out of your ass and get to changing your thought process, the world just looks different.  So don't try to get that promotion, young grasshopper, go get that shit.

"I can only show you the door.  You're the one who has to walk through it."
Surprise, surprise.  You already know Morpheus blessed us with this one.  We've all had that person (or sometimes people) in our lives that has served as a guide.  That taught us how to be men and women in society.  A person that we could rely on constantly to be a rock and a compass.  But that person can't live our lives for us.  I had a couple mentors in my 21 (great) years of life but my dad is the most notable.  But I know as much as I can ask him for advice and wisdom (which surprisingly surpasses El Guapo's) I still have to make my own decisions and go through with them.  I still have to experience the triumphs and consequences to my actions.

"Why, oh why, didn't I take the blue pill?"
Taking a break from Morpheus, this line comes to use from the traitor Cipher.  Not necessarily advice but it is accurate of our thought process.  Have you ever made a decision in your life and as you were following though you thought about how much easier it would have been if you chose the other plan?  Sometimes the things we want or need are a lot tougher to get to.  The good things in life don't come easy.  But the sacrifice is worth it in the end.  We can still throw ourselves a 2 minute pity party but after that we have to get back on our grind or we'll end up like Cipher who gets killed after betraying the party.  (Spoilers!)

"No one can tell you you're in love.  You just know it."
I feel it.  This one comes from the Oracle herself.  Neo is questioning whether or not he's the One and the Oracle compares it to being in love.  Anyone who is in love or has ever been in love can get on bored with this.  I know I can.  Nobody told me I was in love with my girl.  I just knew.  I couldn't explain the feeling to someone but I know it because I feel it.  (Well, I've never been in love Guaps!)  Well this quote is obviously not for you!  Skip ahead to the next one.

"There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
Last quote comes from non other than Morpheus... Again.  I can't even begin to explain how real this is.  As people we are aware of the decisions and the paths we have to take.  Sometimes we are faced with a moral dilemma and it's easier to make the immoral decision but we know the right thing to do is the tough decision.  It's a lot different to know the right thing to to do than to actually do it.  It doesn't just have to do with moral decisions.  This also applies to the paths our lives lead.  Some people have goals but don't make plans for them.  They don't take the actions necessary to get there.  These people know what needs to be done to accomplish their goals but that's it.  They are not walking the path.

So there you have it!  Some wisdom coming from me via The Matrix.  Remember, you can find wisdom anywhere, even movies.  How did you guys like it?  If this is successful I might do the same thing with another movie.  If not I'll just come back with some of my classic shit.  As you can probably tell by the title or by the several hints I dropped I just recently turned 21.  (Happy Birthday Guapo!)  It's too late for that asshole.  But I'll consider you reading this a birthday present.  This birthday is the biggest one I had in a while in the sense of the impact it has on me.  It took a while to sink in but when it did it hit me like a brick hits baby cows.  I'm twenty-fucking-one years old.  There's no place I can't go.  (Except private property.)  I had a great birthday weekend.  Had some of my boys come from the Bay, Garrett and DK.  Also had my boys out here in LA, Hassell and Justice.  And most importantly I had my girlfriend Lily with me.  I've always had the mindset that it didn't matter what I did on my birthday as long as I spent it with the people I love.

 Now that I'm an older Guapo you can expect even wiser and more profound shit from this blog.  So keep on the lookout for new material coming at you.  As usual you can hit me up at the comments section to let me know what you like and/or don't like.  I might actually listen.  Hit me up on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  I'm on Tumblr at sirelguapo.tumblr.com.  You can even hit up on LinkedIn!  Don't drink and drive, wear condoms, and most importantly stay Guapo out there!

Guapo's Pet Peeves

Hey you love birds and loners without dates!  El Guapo here back with a special (late) post for St. Valentines Day!  Oh what's that?  You hate Valentine's Day because it's a Hallmark holiday based on consumerism?  (Yeah, and coupled with the fact that my man/girl left me/ I couldn't get a date in time... again.)  Yeah, well, that sucks for you.  That's all I have to say on that.  Moving on, let's talk about what Valentine's Day is all about.  If you take this holiday down to its roots , it celebrates the life and works of Saint Valentine.  Valentine lived in Rome where the persecutions of Christians was pretty common.  (Bummer.)  In fact, even helping Christians was a crime at this time.  But one man decided that he didn't care about Roman laws.  That man, as you might have guessed, was Valentine.  Valentine married Christian couples until he eventually got caught.  Like most people, he died.  Actually, he didn't just die, he was executed on February 14th.  (Why do you know this story?)  Because I went to Catholic School for 13 years.  The whole point of this story is to give you one possible meaning for Valentine's Day from a Catholic perspective.  If you don't have a date just think of this day as the celebration of a bad ass with a heart of gold.  Moving on.

In case you were wondering I had a wonderful time on V-Day with my girl.  I know that stings to hear for you ladies out there, but Guaps is still off the market and it doesn't seem like I'll be restocked anytime soon.  But in the unfortunate event that my lady dies in a horrific elevator accident or gets eaten by a raccoon (not likely but plausible), I'm going to give a a brief tutorial on things you should not do in a relationship with me.  In fact most of these helpful tips would apply to relationships with most dudes.  Here is what not to do:

Don't Bring Up Exes
Not mine or yours.  Mine just got eaten by a shark, why would you even mention it?  It's just not smart.  I'm not in good terms with one of mines and I don't want to talk about it.  I don't want to hear about guys you were with.  I live in the present and you should live in the present with your partner.

Don't Try to Guess What I'm Going to Say:
This one is really specific to me.  I know it's cute when couples can complete each other's sentences.  Here's the thing, though.  Most people are pretty predictable, but I'm not.  You can never really guess what I'm about to -TUNA SANDWICH!  See.  This actually gets annoying from a day to day basis because everyone and their momma thinks they know where my story is going.

Don't Spoil the Ending to a Movie or a TV Show
It ruins the fun of it.  My girl does this all the time and it's annoying as hell.  The whole fun of a movie is that element of surprise.  It's the reason I stopped liking the Harry Potter movies: I knew how it was going to end.

Don't Jinx the Game
I'm a little superstitious.  And I get pretty intense during games.  Those two aren't a good mix but there's a way to tiptoe around that.  The one thing you should not do, though, is say, "There's no way the other team is coming back," during crunch time.  If they do there is only one person I can blame for the loss.

(Fuck the Broncos!)

Don't Change the Settings On My Radio
I have a really good taste of music so there is never really need to touch my radio in the car.  But if you really want to change the music I'll be happy to oblige.  But the one thing that cannot be changed is the saved radio stations.  Unless you're paying the gas or registration or something, only I can do that.

Don't Go Through My Phone Texts
I hated it when my ex did this.  You're not going to find anything.  I want to be trusted and I'm going to trust you.  You can go ahead and play Flappy Bird and do whatever you want with my phone but if I get the slightest inclination that I can't trust you with my phone it's all bad.

Don't Invite People to Tag Along Without My Consent
People already invite themselves to shit I didn't invite them to already.  What I don't need is someone encouraging that.  If I come up with a plan and invite you and only you that means it was intended that way.  That also means I have the power to decide if anyone else is invited.  Feel free to ask me if it's cool if someone tags along, but don't just go out Facebook inviting people to an intimate event.

Don't Feed Me Shrimp
I'm allergic.  (Yes, the Guaps has allergies.)  If you want to see me die slip some shrimp in my food.  Or any shellfish for that matter.  Fuck it, sneak a cat in my house and I'll be on the floor in a second.

Don't Joke That You Are Pregnant
Worst joke in the history of jokes.  I'm serious.  This is possibly the cruelest joke you can ever tell a guy.  It's worse than telling a guy his mother is dead.  There are so many things I would rather let happen than to get a girl pregnant.  I would be cool with getting gonorrhea or chlamydia.  I would be cool with getting laid off.  (Happened before.)  I would be cool with my car being totaled.  Really, really, really don't want a kid.  So don't joke around with that.

So that's it guys.  Get used to this because I'm a lazy writer.  I hope you guys had a wonderful or at least an OK Valentine's Day.  I know I had a great one.  As usual follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 or Instagram @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  Blah Blah Blah.  Remember, even if the Guaps doesn't know you, he's still in your hearts.  Stay Guapo out there!
 

American Cupcakes & Indian Rock

I was born and raised in the Bay Area and I've always thought of it as my playground.  Oakland was like the main base because it's my home.  Sure shit happens and a jerk kid might push you off the thing, but that's life.  The Bay Bridge was like the monkey bars.  San Francisco was like the top of the jungle gym.  West Oakland was like the slides because shit only goes downhill.  San Jose was like the swings because although it can be fun, it's not really connected to anything.  But when you live somewhere long enough you get trapped in a bit of routine.  You stop looking for new places to go.  For years I lived close to the Golden Gate Bridge but never bothered to see it.  Long had I seen the island of Alcatraz on my way to the City without ever stepping foot on it.  It's not like you plan not to see these places, life just happens.  But that changed when I moved to Los Angeles County.

I traveled to LA a lot as a kid with my family.  As a family we just loved to travel places and LA was a popular destination.  (Maybe too popular.)  Like most "tourists" we visited the main attractions there.  You know the ones: Hollywood, Venice Beach, Disneyland.  We loved discovering what this overheated, overpriced playground had to offer.  But once I moved down here for college I realized something.  I again had fallen into a routine of going to the same places, doing the same things, and eating at the same restaurants.  I lost that ambition to discover and explore.  I wanted to get back to how I was and find new places in LA while I was still here.  I looked back even further and realized there were attractions back home in the Bay that I wanted to experience.  So at the ripe age of 20 I knocked down two of the biggest items of my Bay Area bucket list: The Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz.  Shit was worth the wait.  It was like living next to a hot girl for a long time and then finally getting it in.  (But somehow more satisfying.)  But my journey through exploration of my home playground didn't stop there.  Over the course of this last year I've made the effort to see new places, travel to new destinations and attend new events.  Which brings us to this past winter break.

As usual I visited my favorite spots, hung out with the same friends and relived some of my favorite memories in the Bay.  But I still wanted to see new things and have new experiences, first and foremost being seeing the new Bay Bridge.  Let me just say that shit was glorious!  (If the Guaps and Kate Upton had a baby and that baby was a bridge, the new Bay Bridge would be that baby.)  I've driven on the new bridge and seen it from multiple vista points and it gets more beautiful every time.  At night it glows like Antarctic snow and it's single arch reigns over the waters.  It was truly a sight to behold.  But now what, I thought.  In my mind there weren't many new places to discover and I had just seen the newest marvel the Bay had to offer.  But interestingly one of my best friends, Smokey, approached me and two more of my best friends, Dakare and Garrett, with yet a new place to venture.  He mentioned before the break about some cupcake place in San Francisco that he saw in the Travel Channel or something.  Apparently it was gaining popularity for its famed "red velvet fried chicken."  So we decided we would venture into the City in search of this fried chicken.

One night I was picked up by Smokey and Dakare and we headed to the West Oakland Bart Station where we were to meet Garrett.  We headed to San Francisco and got off at the Montgomery Station.  The thing about this joint is that it's nowhere near a Bart station.  It's located a little south of the marina and east of Pacific Heights in this neighborhood they call Cow Hollow.  We could've taken the Muni like any chump in SF but we were on a mission so we hailed a cab.  The taxi (which DK did not pay for) dropped us off at Union Street.  If you're the type of person who likes bar hopping then Union Street is the place you should be.  They have at least a few bars on every corner of the street.  They even have a bunch of little shops and stores on this street if you want to go during the day time.  But I digress.  The best way to describe American Cupcake is if a rave was themed like Candyland, but instead of buying ecstasy from that sweaty guy in a tank top your buying food from a waitress.  Everything is decorated "cute" and the lights fluctuated between neon colors.  The menu is thicker in the bible but they have a lot of interesting selections.  The staff were extremely friendly, each with their favorites and recommendations.  After spending a long time looking at their menu/manual we all decided to get their "world famous" red velvet fried chicken" a la carte.  Their food was a bit pricey but our waitress assured us it would be worth it.

Now I love red velvet!  And I love fried chicken!  But how can I be sure those two delicious things go together?  Sometimes things that are good separate just don't work together.  (Think half the flavors at Baskin Robins or Kobe and Dwight Howard.)  But sometimes, somehow, things just mesh together perfectly and you wonder how those things were ever not together.  Red velvet fried chicken isn't one of those things.  It just doesn't work.  I liked the meal better when i peeled off the red velvet skin off the fried chicken.  The cupcakes were better.  They had a plethora of cupcake flavor you can choose from and they were pretty good.  Now what rating can I give this place?  I didn't hate the red velvet fried chicken but when that's featured on the Travel Channel and you advertise it as your specialty that shouldn't be the standard of excellence.  The cupcakes were good but far from mind blowing.  Given the price and high expectations that were never met, I probably wouldn't go out of my way to return here.  But I can see myself drop by during a night of bar hopping with my friends on Union Street.  El Guapo's official score for American Cupcake: IGHT.

If there's one thing the Bay Area has a lot of is views.  There's not a lot of things that can compare to the kind of views you get in the Bay.  Most people know about the ones like Grizzly Peak, but I'm about to speak on a spot you might not be familiar with.  One of my boys put me on to some game about this spot called Indian Rock in Albany.  There aren't a lot of reasons to travel to Albany.  I used to go their for a cross country meet and I have a friend that resides there, but that's about it.  But my friend insisted it was the perfect spot to take your girl and have a picnic so I took his word for it.  I picked up my girl around noon and headed to Albany to check out this site.  This spot isn't hard to find if you just type "Indian Rock" in your smart phone.  I arrive in Albany and follow the instructions on my GPS and lo and behold there's a giant boulder just chillin' in the middle of a residential area like it's Friday and it just lost its job for stealing boxes.  At first glance the giant beast of rock looks impossible to climb but if you look around you can find steps carved into the rock so you can climb up.  The climb isn't so hard but there was a moment where I looked down and pictured dropping to rocky death.  Once we got to the top we were treated to one of the best views I've seen.  It was a clear and sunny day so there was no interference from fog or clouds.  Looking straight ahead we could see San Francisco and it's pearl white gate we the Bay Bridge.  To the left we saw the beautiful city of Oakland and it's downtown skyline.  To the right we got a great view of Marin and Contra Costa Counties.  It was truly an amazing spot where El Guapo and La Guapa got to enjoy some sandwiches and work on our scrapbook in the midst of a great view.

There's nothing that makes me happier to write down my thoughts and put them on this blog except for knowing that people actually read this.  I thank you and I'm excited for what 2014 has to offer.  I got a lot of great blog posts lined up so make sure you get a front row seat to El Guapo's Idea Factory (patent pending.)  As usual follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  Make sure to check me out on Tumblr at sirelguapo.tumblr.com.  Be safe, keep up with your resolutions and stay Guapo out there.

About Damn Time

For years the Warriors have been snubbed from the All Star team, their talent ignored by ignorant voters.  In 1997 Latrell Spreewell was the last Warrior to make the All Star team.   Last season David Lee broke the cycle of a Warrior-less All Star game.  But arguably our best player, Stephen Curry was nowhere to be found.  He reacted with a 54 point effort at Madison Square Garden, a broken NBA 3 point record and then led the Warriors to the Western Semis.  Some of us said not only did Steph deserve to be on the All Star team, he deserved to start.  Well today that happened.  Steph Curry will start for the Western backcourt along with Kobe Bryant (who most likely won't play) and becomes the first Warrior to do so since 1995.  (Spreewell holds that honor as well.)  Sure there have been injuries to West conference guards but that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve it.  I can guarantee that he'll be back.  All I can say is, about damn time!

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Review

Happy Holidays!  It's Santa Guaps coming at you with a sleigh full of goodies.  But I ain't bringing you toys and shit, I'm bringing my thought.  (Waaay better than toys.)  About a year ago I saw The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and wrote a review on it.  I figured why not do it again for the second installment of the series.  And like last year I'm writing this review late so I'm sticking with traditions.  So let's check out how this movie compared to the last and end 2013 right for Infinite Wisdom From El Guapo's Brain.

I'll kick this off by first saying Peter Jackson is amazing.  The dude knows how to direct the shit out of a movie and make that look beautiful.  Just look at his track record.  The dude was built for this directing shit.  He could film me taking a shit and turn that footage into fucking art.  (Probably could content for a Golden Globe.)  So once again his sprinkles his magic into this film.  This was easily more interesting than the first but that's only because the first was setting all the pieces together.  This movie had all the action AND we got to see Smaug the dragon.  The movie is also really inspiring.  In the two times I watched it I realized the Bilbo really does all the legwork but he doesn't get much respect and that's real.  Without Bilbo the crew of dwarfs would still be in the Shire, but they're not gonna praising him like they praise Thorin.  That applies directly in life.  Sometimes you'll be doing a lot of good work and you won't get credit or it and then somebody just strolls along and steals your thunder.  Sometimes you just got to live with that.  (The Guaps knows a thing or two about that.

We met some new characters this time around like the shape-shifter guy and the elves, including hot she-elf  Tauriel and our old friend Legolas.  Now if you're wondering if Legolas was in the book the answer is no.  So if you're one of those purists who believe that movies should stick as close to the book as possible this might make you upset.  What made me upset is how Orlando Bloom decided to take a hiatus from acting and came back fat.  (Was I the only one who noticed Legolas gained a good 10 lbs?)  Orlando Bloom had a good streak a movies in the early 2000s and I'm guessing after he made The Three Musketeers he decided it was time to stop hitting the gym.  Anyways the elves were pretty dope in this movie.  Even if Legolas is not in the book, he and she-elf added another notch to this film.

This movie gets a Guapo.  It was a solid movie, better than the first, but nothing mind blowing.  I still recommend it though.  If you love great adventure movies with amazing cinematography then this is the film for you.  Now I can't wait for the last installment.  And with that I'll end my post.  Follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  You can also catch me on Tumblr at sirelguapo.tumblr.com.  Have a happy holiday season and look out for the Guaps in 2014.  Stay Guapo out there!

10 Best Robots in Movies

What's up all.  Guapo is back with another edition of Infinite Wisdom From El Guapo's Brain.  I know y'all been waiting on my latest post and since Thanksgiving is coming up I thought I'd give you guys an early present.  (So what's with the lack of posts?)  Good question.  And I actually have a good excuse this time.  As you should be well aware of, I've been writing for my secondary blog, Infinite Wisdom on Boardwalk Empire, and it's taken up a lot of my time.  Not to worry because Sunday night was the finale and after that, no more excuses.  (You said that last time!)  Right you are!  I guess you're catching on quick.  Just remember that I'm doing this shit for free.  I do this for the people.  That being said I'm taking donations.  You can send cash but I'll also take Visa, Mastercard, Amex, PayPal and all that shit.  Fuck it, I'll take a traveler's check.  What the heck, I might even take EBT.  The point is, I don't have time to be writing every week if it's not putting food on my mahogany table.  So let's just appreciate what I do give you.  I present to you: The 10 Best Robots in Movies.  A few criteria before we get started:
1) Robot must be from a live-action movie.  (Sorry Wall-E fans.)
2) Robot must be able to think on its own.  So no remote controlled machines.
3) In the case where a robot is part human I'll use my better judgement to decide if he qualifies.

Here we go!

10. ED-209 (Robocop)
This isn't Robocop, it's the other robot in the movie.  The first one they show.  In a somehow successful Detroit (imagine that!) crime is still a problem.  So the big thinkers come up with this new machine that enforces law.  They test it out on a subject in the board meeting but there's a malfunction and the machine shoots the shit out of the motherfucker.  Funniest scene ever!  I mean the robot must've shot the dude like 50 times or some shit.  Reason why it's at the bottom of the list though is because 1) everyone in this damn movie needs 30 bullets to put them down and 2) this machine's biggest weakness is stairs.  That ends up losing him the fight against Robocop.

9. Terminator X (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)
This robot comes from the worst movie in the Terminator series.  (Yes, even that Christian Bale Terminator was better.)  But this cyborg was the most advanced machine in the series.  The first movie introduced us to a cybernetic organism that appeared fully human on the outside but totally machine on the inside.  The second movie gave us a machine that was liquid metal.  So how can they possibly improve on the next model?  Boobs.  The only scene I like in the whole movie is when the Terminator X gets pulled over by a cop and, after seeing a billboard with a girl with big knockers, makes her tits grow.  While we're at it let's loop this selection with the Fembots from the Austin Powers movies.  They shot bullets out of their boobs!

8. C-3PO & R2-D2 (Star Wars series)
Before George Lucas butchered a beloved and classic trilogy with a less than stellar (and that's putting it nicely) trilogy, he introduced us to two lovable robots that should be familiar to anyone who didn't grow up in the Himalayas.  We followed these two robots for 6 movies and never stopped loving them.  They are essentially the heart and soul of the series.  You can't have a Star Wars movie without R2 and 3PO.  Period.  These two go together like peanut butter and chocolate.  Let's hope we get to see more of them in the new movies.

7. The Sentinels (The Matrix series)
Real talk The Matrix is one of my favorite movies of all time.  Here's the question though: is Agent Smith a robot?  Naw.  He's a computer program.  But the sentinels are.  Those things were mad scary when I first saw them as a kid.  They look like robotic squids that fly.  Plus the movie was set in a time where the machines had taken over the world and used humans as a battery.  I remember thinking "what if we live in the Matrix and this shit isn't real" and shit.  (I still do.)

6. David (Prometheus)
This dude was half the excitement of the movie.  Anything that happened in Prometheus was either directly or indirectly caused by David.  (Mostly directly.)  Plus it was played by Michael Fassbender who's probably one of the best actors in the game right now.  I'm on record on how I feel about the acting chops of the Fass.  Dude was smooth in the movie.  Delivered the best lines in the joint.  I hear a lot of hate going toward Prometheus but I'm gonna stick to my guns on this one.  David made this movie one of my favorites that year.

5. Roy Batty (Blade Runner)
This dude was kicking Harrison Ford's ass!  Damn, he was bomb.  Probably my favorite Edward James Olmos movie.  (Yes, he was in the movie.  Go double check.)  But enough about EJO, let's talk about this robot, or replicant as they call them in Blade Runner.  Can you really call him a villain?  All he really was trying to do is be human, for real.  He was like the adult Pinocchio without the whole turning into a donkey and getting eaten by a whale thing.  He even redeemed himself at the end when (spoiler alert) he saved Harrison's life.  And was Harrison Ford's character a replicant too?  That's the biggest question that will have people debating forever.  Kinda like whether or not Leo DiCaprio was still dreaming or not in Inception.

4. Robocop (Robocop)

Even when this dude was human he was a motherfuckin' boss.  Dude was a cop and it took him like 200 bullets to take him down.  (Robocop laws, I guess)  Well this dude's body was taken by the scientists and turned into a law enforcement robot that real-life Detroit can probably use.  Had to make a judgement call on whether or not to include him on this list but at the end of the day I decided this dude was too dead to ever be considered human again.  Unfortunately I heard they are making a remake of this movie so be prepared to be disappointed.  (That's what I tell my family every time I call.)

3. T-1000 (Terminator 2: Judgement Day)

What's so good about this cyborg?  He was made out of liquid metal!  So he was able to morph into any person he came into contact with.  He was like Mystique from X-Men if Mystique was also a robot and could turn her arms into knives and shit.  It also helps that he was in one if the biggest movies in the history of movies.  (Credit goes to James Cameron.)  Was probably a few memorable lines from being higher on this list but this dude did have some memorable scenes.

2. Sonny (I, Robot)

I'm not a Will Smith dickrider like some people.  I don't hate the dude, I just don't think the dude is all that and a bag of chips.  (Who says that?)  I remember someone once said Will Smith has never made a bad movie.  He said that shit like Wild Wild West came out.  But I digress.  I, Robot was one of my favorite Will Smith movies and Sonny is a big reason why.  The robot had a sleek design was all around pretty dope to watch.  He actually reminds me of the robot in the Skyy vodka adds.  Side note: the movie was based on a book and has almost nothing in common with it.  (Not a surprise.)

1. T-800 (Terminator series)

Speaking of non-surprises, this pick shouldn't shock anyone.  Ahh-nold played the perfect cybernetic organism.  Living tissue over metal endo-skeleton.  And talk about character transformation.  The first movie had the Terminator as the villain.  He was an unstoppable force that could not be fucked with.  The protagonists needed three tries to bring this cyborg down.  Kyle Reese died on his second attempt.  But the Terminator wasn't done because he came back with a sequel.  But this time he's the hero.  (What?!)  Now he's going against an advanced prototype so he's obviously mismatched, right?  Naw, son.  The cyborg comes through again in crunch time.  What's more is this dude's anthology of one-liners.  If we forget the third Terminator movie was ever made (which we are doing) this robot had a really good run in the film industry.

And that's it guys.  I hope you guys enjoyed this post.  To be perfectly honest this isn't really a brand new post.  I actually wrote this piece years ago, about 4 years ago to be specific, when I was on my VLOG grind.  Then I realized I didn't like sitting in a chair in front of  my laptop ranting about things in multiple takes.  I'd rather sit down in a chair in front of my laptop and write out my rants in one take.  But it's not like I juts copy and pasted my old script word for word.  I added shit where it needed to be added and made modifications to the list.  I ain't the same person I was 4 years ago.  (Still better back then than most people are now though.)  My original list included "HAL 3000" from 2001: A Space Odyssey but I've come to the conclusion that "HAL" was more of a supercomputer than a robot.  I also originally had "Ash" from Alien and "Andrew" from Bicentennial Man but now that I think about it they're both weak as far as robots go.  (Appreciate my changes?)  

So with that I leave you guys with another quality post.  I know you guys have been waiting for some new and consistent posts but like I said, with the end of Boardwalk Empire I should have time on my hands again.  In fact, it actually got me to fix up a schedule to make sure I write.  Maybe I'll apply that organization habit to this post.  (Most likely not.)  But I got good works on deck with my end of the year post coming later this month, so be on the look out for that.  As always leave any comments, questions, suggestions or even complaints in the section below.  If you missed out on my secondary blog this fall you can still peep the archives.  The link is on the right in a section title Blogs I Fucks With.  The blog is called Infinite Wisdom on Boardwalk Empire.  Check it out if you love the show or just like me in general.  Follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  I'm also on Tumblr at sirelguapo.tumblr.com.  Don't be afraid to friend me on Facebook or LinkedIn.  The worst and most likely scenario if you don't know me would be a rejection.  Ain't nothing wrong with that.  Hell, at the least it's a life lesson to kids out there afraid to dip their toes in the pool of dating.  Don't be afraid of asking that thick girl with the nice rack in your biology class out for dinner.  But most importantly remember to stay Guapo out there!