Today the NFL kicks off his season and everyone is excited, as they should be. Football is back! My fantasy team looks really good. So why do I feel so sad inside? Why does it feel like a piece of my soul is missing? Why, in this high 90 degree weather, does the sun look grey and gloomy? If you've been watching Hard Knocks on HBO, you know my pain. It's the same feeling you feel when you lose somebody you love (on a TV show).
A few years ago I used to watch Boardwalk Empire, another great show on HBO, religiously, first with my mom and later with my girlfriend. I loved this show so much. I even created an entirely new blog just for that before the show ended last year. (The blog was surprisngly well recieved.) For those unfamiliar, the show was about the prohibition era, set in Atlantic City. The main characters were Nucky Thompson, played by Steve Buscemi, and Jimmy Darmody, played by Michael Pitt. Many people, including myself became increasingly attached to Jimmy. He was a WWI vet, a stewart to Nucky Thompson, and you could see his internal struggles. Now, a lot of people died on this show, but when Jimmy went, it felt my a piece of me died as well. There was a whole in my chest. I didn't want to sleep that night. It was the first time a death on TV devestated me. My mom burst in tears when she saw him die. She said it was like watching one of her own kids die. It took a while to recover from that loss. (For all those crying out "Spoilers!", I'm not apoligizing. You shouldn't have been sleeping on this show.)
Years later I'm a little more seasoned. I've seen enough of my favorite TV characters die that I've been hardened. (I can thank Game of Thrones for that.) But this season of Hard Knocks: Houston Texans was different. First of all, Hard Knocks is a great show. I was borderline addicted to it. JJ Watt is not a human being. Watt and Wilfork had the bromance of legends. Brian Cushing is hilarious. These are players we fell in love with and had secure spots on the roster. There were also players who were fighting for their careers. Obviously I knew coming into Hard Knocks that players were going to get cut and it was going to be sad to watch. Kind of like seeing a marriage proposal where the girl says no. Watching Kourtnie Brown and Lynden Trail get cut was like that. I saw how hard they worked, I saw how they struggled to find their place, I saw them make good pays that gave them life, and I saw them give up plays that basically sealed their doom.
The cases of "EZ" and Charles James II were unique because I got really attached to them. "EZ" was great because he was essentially a child in an adults body. I don't mean that in a negative way. He just looked at the world with such joy and wonder normally reserved for kids before they are hardened by life's disappointments. Charles II was my new Jimmy Darmody. He had this "happy socks" that distinguished him from the rest of the players. If he ever decided to start his own sock line I'd cop myself a pair. He, along with "EZ", were by far the most charismatic of the whole bunch. Unlike "EZ" though, I really though CJ2 was going to make the squad. CJ2 was an undersized cornerback, and that really worked against him. But he worked his ass off in practice. He was tenacious, resiliant, competitive and any positive quality you would want out of an athlete, just not long enough. He was good though, and he was versatile. Coach O'Brian even tried him at running back and CJ2 looked like a natural. Did I mention he had "happy socks"? "There was no way he could get cut", I told myself after episode 4.
A few days after that episode news broke that Charles James II had been cut from the Texans. An overwhelming sadness came over me and I wanted to play sad songs in my car until I cried myself to sleep. By the next day I had come to terms with the sad reality and I had to mentally prepare myself to watch the final episode. It was like knowning your boss is going to fire you when you go into his office the next day. Somehow, knowing made the whole ordeal worse. When I had time to watch it I made sure to watch it alone. I needed time to be depressed afterward. And throughout the episode I saw Charles as he had bad practices and a bad pre-season game against the Cowboys. I watched him wait in anticipation and anxiety to see if he got cut from the team. It was hard for me to see him not know his fate when I knew very well what waited at the end of the episode. But even with knowing how the episode ended, there was a part of me that was foolishly optimistic. Deep inside of me I was able to convince myself that maybe those reports that Charles were fabricated to throw us off. I was waiting for Coach O'Brian to call that other cornerback whose name I can't remember to tell him he's been cut. In the end that other corner was just longer and... that's it. Once again I was devestated. It was Jimmy Darmody all over again. The difference was Jimmy was a character and Charles was a real person. Charles had dreams. He had hopes. He had socks. All was wrong with the world and I needed a bottle of whisky to make it right again.
But another difference between Jimmy and Charles arose. Jimmy died in the show and never came back. Charles James II got signed with the Baltimore Ravens and still has a future in the NFL. I would be lying if I said I didn't wish he signed with the Raiders. Usually when I root for a non-Raider it's because the player is originally from Oakland. Or his name is Richard Sherman. But CJ2 was an exception. I'm happy for the guy. And his socks.
... crazy mothafucka named Gusto". And so begins the hit single by CB4, a gangsta rap group featuring MC Gusto, Dead Mike and Stab Master Arson. Way back when, around a time my father was not considered old, CB4 tore up the charts with monster hits like "Straight Outta Locash" and "Sweat From My Balls", a song so versatile you can play it anywhere, from the club to your nephew's baptism. CB4 rose to prominence in the rap game, gaining popularity in major part because of their explicit lyrics and gangsta attitude. Their popularity, however, didn't come without some opposition. Many people were deterred by the strong, suggestive lyrics and put off by the influence these trio from Locash had on the youth. Parents threw out CD's found in their kids' bedrooms, ministers cursed the rap group into damnation, and politicians sought to flat-out ban CB4. There's no denying their lasting impact. Even today, in 2015, when my dad is so far removed from relevance he probably thinks the George Lopez show is still on air, we can sit back and play some classic CB4.
CB4 is not a real rap group. CB4, rather, is the subject, and title, of the 1993 mock rap biopic by Chris Rock. In this film, three losers from Locash, played by a young Chris Rock, Allen Payne, and Deezer D, take up false personas as thuggish, gangsta rappers in their rise to fame. As MC Gusto's (Rock) popularity increases, he and the rest of the group become increasingly attached to this facade. Meanwhile the real Gusto, played by Charlie Murphy, seeks to track the boys down, believing that it them that landed him in jail. The rap group CB4 is most notably a parody of N.W.A, with the song "Straight Outta Locash" obviously mirroring "Straight Outta Compton". But you could argue there was a table spoon of 2 Live Crew, and, in retrospect, some Rick Ross (the rapper, not Freeway). I first saw this comedy with my dad, years after its release date. I still find it funny after a 4th time watching. I could make the case that it's one of Chris Rock's best movies. It came out during Chris Rock's hot period in the early 90's while he was still a cast member on SNL. Definitely in the top three, and I think you might agree with my argument. But what if I told you it is the best rap movie ever made. (I'm gonna wait for you to stop choking on your water... Let it all out... I know, it went down the wrong pipe.) Yes, I'm being serious. I'm gonna make this case. This isn't a joke. In film history, there has never been a better movie made about rappers, real or fictitious.
Now I'm not talking about movies staring rappers; that would be a whole other topic. (Though CB4 does have plenty of cameos from prominent MC's.) The movies I'm talking about are films where the subject is the life, or events, of a hip-hop artist or group. CB4 is a great movie about a hip-hop group. The group is fake but the movie isn't. We'll slide the film to the top of the list. Who's contending? Well, there's Notorious, the biopic about Biggie Smalls. I wouldn't crown Notorious, though. The truth is that it wasn't that great of a movie. A lot of it had to do with the performances, which were average at best. The only performance I would call stellar comes from Angela Bassett, who plays Voletta Wallace, Biggie's mom. Notorious wasn't a bad movie, but it felt more like a missed opportunity than anything, and in the end was rather forgettable. Who's next? 8 Mile? It was okay. When you think about it the best part about the movie was the soundtrack, more specifically the song "Lose Yourself" by Eminem. And even then "Lose Yourself" is either slightly overrated or very overrated in Marshall's catalog, depending on who you are talking to. Hustle & Flow would be a better argument. Terrence Howard's performance earned him an Oscar nomination. However, I think this is another case of the soundtrack being more memorable than the film itself. I still have CB4 reigning supreme though. There haven't been a lot of contenders. The problem isn't that hip-hop movies aren't being made right, so much as the problem being they aren't really being made at all. To be frank, "hip-hop movies" isn't actually a genre. If Blockbuster Home Video was still around less than half a shelf would be reserved for those types of movies. So for years CB4 has been sitting pretty at the top just waiting for someone to knock it down, or at the very least just join the party.
Well we finally have a new member in this small club with the release of Straight Outta Compton, the N.W.A biopic produced by Ice Cube and Dr. Dre, and directed by F. Gary Gray. Since rumors of an N.W.A movie circulated I had been anticipating it's release. The only other summer movie I had been more anxious and excited about was Jurassic World. I saw it in theaters the Monday after its weekend release. I had heard nothing but great reviews from my friends and the critics wrote favorable pieces as well. I went into that dark theater with my friends, excited, anxious, and even nervous, and when I left the theater I had one thought on my mind... I loved it! "Finally!" I thought. "A rap movie done right." Straight Outta Compton wasn't just a great rap movie, or a great music biopic. It was actually a great fucking movie. Who knows? It might win some awards. The movie was very long, but I never really cared what time it was because I was enthralled. The subject matter was relevant, even when the subject matter is a rap group from the late 80's. You didn't even need to be a N.W.A fan, or even a rap fan, to appreciate the film. I knew who N.W.A was, but even if I didn't the screenplay was good enough to get an unfamiliar viewer invested in the live's of these characters. The performances were superb across the board and we weren't subjected to weak, shitty dialogue. In particular, the performance of O'Shea Jackson Jr., playing his father, Ice Cube, stood out. Sure he looks like his dad, but he can really act as well. This was his first acting job and I gotta say, I see a lot more jobs coming his way if he plays his cards right. Unlike his father, O'Shea Jr. has a lot more tricks in his repertoire and compared to the rest of the actors in the film, not including Paul Giamatti, playing Jerry Heller, O'Shea has the most range and most potential. Speaking of Paul, glad to see him again. Even if the movies he's chosen to do haven't always been successes, Paul is a great fucking actor and embraces his roles. More of the same in Straight Outta Compton. And if that wasn't enough, F. Gary Gray does an exceptional job shooting this film. The visuals, the creative choices and the pace of the film all blend well with the great performances and worthy story to make a great movie, and, if you care about this kind of stuff, a box office success.
All this is good, so why not just call it a day and and say Compton is the best rap movie of all time? The more I thought about how this movie, the more certain things started to bother me. Most of these things you've probably already read about. The movie glossed over the groups history with domestic violence and violence towards women, especially Dr. Dre's history. The movie mainly focused on the rap group's stance against police brutality and censorship. These are things that N.W.A. rapped and talked about, but the movie made the group out to be saints for Christ's sake. Dr. Dre was a do-no-wrong guy with nothing with a dream in the movie, and as much as I love Dre and acknowledge his impact on hip-hop, I can't just pretend he never hit Dee Barnes. Look, Dr. Dre and Ice Cube produced this movie about themselves, so I shouldn't be surprised when they tell their story the way they want to tell it. I do the same when I tell the world my adventures. I always tell the story in a way that makes me come out in a good light. So this means I might omit some bad things and really highlight some positives. It's the nature of storytelling that makes it so unreliable. Everybody does this except Young Jeezy who "never exaggerated one line, one dime/ never lied to the people, not one time". So I'm not shocked that if Dr. Dre and Ice Cube are going to tell their stories, they are going to make themselves look as good as possible. But that doesn't mean I can't call them out them for it. Compton lacked what most biopics tend to lack: honesty. Most biopics tend to portray their subject as the perfect human when what we really want is to go more in depth and learn about this ordinary human being who did these extraordinary things. I didn't learn anything about N.W.A. I didn't know about before, nor gained a new perspective on the matter.
But let's get one thing clear: I'm not trying to vilify N.W.A. and I'm not trying to disregard their importance in rap culture and L.A. culture. Eazy-E, Cube and Dre (along with MC Ren & DJ Yella) didn't just make an impact on hip-hop, they left a crater. And this movie did a perfect job making that known. I also don't believe anybody in this movie is a bad guy. They were kids who made bad decisions, but not bad people. (Except for Suge. That motherfucker is a bad guy. And scary also. Jerry Keller might be bad too.) This movie's take on the rap group was undoubtedly a good one and I don't disagree with that. I just wished that weren't spoon fed our take on the group. Honesty would have taken Compton a long way. Even the aforementioned Notorious did a solid job of not over-glorifying Biggie. Obviously the movie was very pro-Big (and anti-Pac) but we were given a glimpse into both the pretty sides of Big's life and they incredibly ugly sides. Just too bad it wasn't a very good movie. Compton is the inverse. This brings us back to CB4 which was a good comedy movie while also being an honest movie. (But CB4 isn't a real rap group.) Too true, but it might as well have been since you could buy the soundtrack. But even with CB4 not being about a real rap group, the candidness about the movie is still refreshing. It's a spoof about music biopics, except the joke is that it's the most honest one ever created. (CB4 could have been released this year and it would have served as the perfect response to Straight Outta Compton.) The fake characters in CB4 can feel more authentic than the ones portrayed in Straight Outta Compton. Look, Straight Outta Compton is a great movie that I would recommend to anyone. And if it wasn't a biopic and I wasn't forced to think about all the things left out, I might have called it the best rap movie ever made. But it is a biopic, I have to consider those things and CB4 is still the GOAT (for now).
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One day my memory is gonna go out the window. It happens with old age. That's how I'm able to convince my grandma that events that never happened actually happened. But when that day comes there are several events that will stick, events that are etched into my memory. That will probably include the Warriors championship season, the birth of my little sister, our family vacation to Guatemala and a bunch of firsts throughout out my adolescence. Maybe later on that list will include my wedding, the birth of my 1st and 3rd children and the day I buy the Golden State Warriors. Right now I will add the 2015 Special Olympics World Games to that list of unforgettable experiences. From July 25 to August 2nd, athletes from all over the world met in Los Angeles to compete for gold, bring awareness and spread joy. Now the things I might say might seem a little cheesy, but I swear it's a real. Those 9 days clearly had an effect on me and that effect can very well follow me for the rest of my life. I wish everyone I loved had the opportunity to experience what I experienced, whether it be working on the event, volunteering, or even just going as a spectator. I know it wasn't possible for everyone, but I'm glad at least some of my friends were able to be a part of this, in any capacity. Go up to anyone who was along for the ride and they'll talk your ear with some of the many stories they've accumulated over that 9-day period. Here's my story.
To be 100% honest, I didn't even know there was such a thing for the World Games for Special Olympics. I didn't find out until I applied for my internship. I, of course, knew about Special Olympics. For those of you unfamiliar, here's a brief synopsis: In 1962, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, sister of John F. and Bobby Kennedy, held a day camp for people with intellectual disabilities. At this time people with intellectual disabilities were treated like lepers. They were ostracized, rejected and a good deal of them were institutionalized. Shriver thought that through the power and common language of sports, people with intellectual disabilities can show the world what they are capable of. The first World Games was in 1968 at Soldier Field in Chicago and the movement has grown ever since. The aim is not to look at these athletes' disabilities, but instead to focus on their abilities. We want to get to a place where at school, at work and in life in general we can grow to accept and include them. Now, I had volunteered there in high school as part as my community service hours. I knew it was a good cause but I wasn't that invested in it. At the time, I needed the hours so I can play sports in high school. That's why I was there and knowing it was helping someone out was icing on the cake. But unless you fully immerse yourself into something like this, you're just not gonna get it. I didn't really completely get why it was important for me volunteer at soup kitchens until I started to chat with the hungry at the table and listen to their stories. (Not trying to paint myself as some kind of saint.) Same thing applies here. I didn't fully immerse myself in Special Olympics and so I didn't really get much out of it my first go around.
This last spring I was desperately looking for internships. The previous summer was a giant dud. I scratched and clawed trying to find an internship in either the sports or entertainment industry. Nothing happened, though I thought I came close a few times. Over the winter I thought I might have had something with NBC Universal but that didn't work out either. I met a young woman at my college who had gotten an internship with the Clippers and looked to be on a path towards success. I wanted to ask her what she had done to get to the point she was at and she rattled off a bunch of places she either worked or interned at. Special Olympics was one of them and so I went home and applied. Less than a week later I was called for an interview and I got the internship. Now I don't want to talk about my professional experience from working for the World Games. This isn't a job interview. Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot of valuable experience I can take into the professional world, but the personal experience means so much more to me than anything I can ever learn about the sports industry. The people I worked with were remarkable and so full of life. I admired the fact that they put so much work into the World Games and they all did it with such a great attitude. Their positive attitude robbed off on me and had me fully invested in this experience. I didn't know a whole lot, but I knew that I wanted to give the World Games everything I had to give. Even on the most stressful days I've never left the office being unhappy. Most of it was because I knew what I was working for: the thought that my hard work would pay off when athletes from all over the world converge in Los Angeles for one week of competition. But I would be denying credit if I didn't say that my co-workers and supervisors didn't inspire me. So if anyone from the office is reading this, thank you for sharing this experience with me.
One of the great things about working at the World Games HQ is that there were several people working there that had intellectual disabilities and I was able to have amazing, genuine interactions with them I might not be able to at another workplace. When you are able to work with, laugh with, and share stories with people who are different than you on a daily basis, you get a better understanding of them. And one thing I understand is they aren't different from me. The people I had the privilege of working with were hard working, capable and all around enjoyable and thoughtful people. One person whose presence I enjoyed in particular was Marco, the in-house artist. Marco is an incredible artist who made this lovely mosaics all for the Special Olympics World Games. He made a boatload of them and each one was even better than the last. Aside from being talented he was also one of the happiest people I ever met. Every single day he was at the workplace he would go around to every cubicle, every office and high five, fist bump, or hug everyone who was there that day. He would say hello and talk to them for a little bit and he'd be on his way. I looked forward to seeing Marco and getting to see his smile and absorb some of that joy. Every time I got to speak with him it was as if my batteries were recharged. He was the type of person whose love just oozes out because he has so much left over. I wish more people were like that. I wish I was more like Marco.
Being in the office was great, but nowhere near as great as being on site when the World Games finally began. I had the pleasure of being at the Opening Ceremonies at the LA Coliseum. Something about seeing athletes from all over the globe all in the same spot in anticipation for week of competition just gets me pumped. This was actually the biggest sporting event Los Angeles hosted since the 1984 Olympic Games (which was boycotted by the Soviets). The Opening Ceremonies were absolutely spectacular. Similar to the Olympics, each country came out one by one to the roar of crowd filling this ancient coliseum. (I'm exaggerating the word "ancient" a bit.) We got appearances from notable public figures like Oakland native, Trailblazers star Damien Lillard and First Lady Michelle Obama. (It takes someone like me to put those two on the same playing field.) This amazing night to kick off the World Games ended up being but a footnote to me however. My best memories come from being at UCLA where some of the games were being held.
UCLA held football (soccer), tennis, volleyball, judo, gymnastics and baseball. I spent a good chunk of my time at UCLA busting my ass, working. However I knew I could not be at the Special Olympics World Games and not witness the event as fan. Here's something that I learned: these athletes from all over the world are REAL athletes. It's something most people don't really understand about Special Olympics. When people picture Special Olympics they have an image of their mind of someone who is incapable. If you spent one day at UCLA or USC that week that image would be shattered. Take soccer for example. I got to see a lot of soccer games throughout the week and the games I saw were as competitive as any I've seen in my life. At Dominguez Hills we sometimes get cheap tickets to see the LA Galaxy, and MLS team. (For those unfamiliar, the MLS is basically a retirement league where players spend their twilight seasons. Got 'em!) The games I saw at the World Games were just as competitve as the games played by the Galaxy. The Brazilians were superb (of course) because not being at soccer is like a sin in Brazil (I think). I saw a game between England and Iceland and both teams went in. When the match was over I chatted up one of the England soccer players and he was showing off all his cuts, scratches and bruises (and proclaiming his love for Mexican food) with great pride. And that was one of the points Special Olympics wanted to get across. We are not focusing on disabilities, we are focusing on abilities. These are real athletes playing real sports and they really want to win. These are also humble athletes and there was no malicious play, just good sportsmanship. There were no borders and rivalries from countries, just friendly competition.
While on the job I spent a lot of time at the festival area where the awards ceremonies would be held. While I thought these awards ceremonies were very long, especially because it was so hot in the LA sun, the ceremonies brought me some of the most touching memories. The way the ceremonies worked was first place got a gold medal, second got silver, and third got bronze. Standard stuff. 4th through 8th place got ribbons. What I admired about these athletes was how down to earth they really were. Of course they really wanted the gold, but you could still feel the same joy radiating out of the 7th place finisher and the gold medalist. And man, could I feel that joy! I remember they were awarding medals for gymnastics and a young girl ended up receiving the silver and she burst in tears. At first sight I thought she cried because she narrowly missed the gold and I really felt for her. But moments later I saw her kiss her medal like a newborn baby and I came to the realization that these were tears of joy and that this moment meant so much to her that she might not ever be able to explain it to anyone. The athletes that would get on stage to receive medals were usually very supportive to one another, which is something you might not see at an Olympic event. I recall multiple times when athletes would grab the hands of their fellow competitors and Reach Up (one of our sayings) in celebration, no matter the country of origin nor what place they finished in. The emotion didn't end on the stage though. I saw two parents of the young gymnast from Venezuela who won a bronze medal and as soon as they saw their daughter with that medal around their neck, jumping for joy, they both turned into Yosemite Falls, hugging each other. They probably never pictured never seeing their daughter win a medal in a world competition, but there she was. This was amazing.
Like I mentioned before, this being a World Games you had countries from all over the globe competing in sports and then socializing after. It was great to see athletes from different countries interacting and competing and enjoying life. Most didn't speak the same language, but the common tongue there was sports. The currency there were these pins that athletes loved trading like people at Disneyland. I got some myself, as well. The athletes really did not care what country you came from, they were just happy you were there. Even people who absolutely don't get along were able to get past their differences in honor of Special Olympics. I'm of course talking about me and Clippers coach Doc Rivers. As a Warriors fan I really don't like the Clippers. And since Doc left coaching the Celtics for the Clippers back in 2013/ joined the evil empire, we haven't really been on speaking terms. (Full disclosure: I didn't actually know Doc before this.) But as I was working at a baseball game I saw a tall figure approach me who sort of looked like Doc Rivers. So I asked him, "Umm. Are you Doc Rivers?" He smiled and said yes and shook my hand while thanking me for all the hard work and commitment I brought to the Special Olympics World Games. He asked if he could take a picture with the Guaps... OK. That didn't happen like that. But we did end up taking a picture together. As he was on his way I wanted to throw a dig at him, because of course I wanted to. I had a whole menu of juicy topics to throw at him. There was the fact that the Clips choked up a 3-1 lead in the playoffs to the Houston Rockets. I could have said something about his son Austin Rivers AKA a Parody of Allen Iverson AKA the Charlie Chaplin of the NBA. I could have brought up the DeAndre Jordan fiasco, you know, when DeAndre locked himself in his house with other Clippers to avoid Mark Cuban. I even considered throwing a simple "Cool Story Glenn" a'la Draymond Green. In the end I just told him to have a nice day. If Special Olympics could do that, I'm not sure if there is even a limit now.
The Closing Ceremonies came and went. They were basically one huge party with music performances that included Carly Rae Jepsen and someone else I didn't know. Athletes from countries all over the world soaked in their last moments in Los Angeles by dancing and trading shirts and pins. I was right there with them just trying to hold on to the week before it fled. When it was over I sat in a chair and a bittersweet feeling came over me. As I headed home I experience the same emotion I did when I graduated high school, nostalgia. On the train ride home I met an Irish couple who had the chance to see their son win the gold in open water swimming. The next day I went back to the office to turn my security card in and say my good-byes. It's been over three weeks and I still miss interning at the World Games. I put everything I had into Special Olympics. What I got back was so much more. This won't be the last time I'm involved with Special Olympics, I guarantee it.
The "R" Word
One of the things that was stressed to us at orientation when I started interning was the terminology to use. The word "retarded" is a very offensive, hateful, not to mention, childish word. That word really hurts and one of the missions of Special Olympics is to get people to stop using that word. If you're an adult you shouldn't be using it anyway. But if you see someone saying that word, whether they are a child or an adult, educate them and let them know why they shouldn't say it. Now some of you smart Alec's might say, "Wait, but isn't "mentally retarded" a medical term?" It was. Emphasis on the was. Instead we refer to a person with an intellectual disability exactly how I did just now. We don't use medical terms that aren't in existence anymore. We don't use Gay-related immune deficiency anymore when talking about AIDS. So if you are talking about a person with an intellectual disability keep in mind the term you use. And please, please do not call someone who is doing something dumb a "retard". There are so many other things you can say that does not alienate people. Check out www.r-word.org to learn how you can Spread the Word to End the Word.
My, oh my, where have the year gone? You read the title right. I've been blogging for over 3 years now and there are no signs of me slowing down now. And yes, I'm celebrating the anniversary a month late... again. I forgot. Sue me. It was the Finals and I was preoccupied. Last year I had no excuse. I deserve a little break this year. I feel bad for my future kids, though. I can totally picture me just forgetting my son's birthday or missing my daughter's ballet recital. Kids eventually forgive though, just as I expect my readers to as well. I mean, the blog post is here ain't it? Better late than never. And what if I meant to drop this piece a month late? It could be our little tradition over at Infinite Wisdom. Kind of how I like to celebrate Valentine's Day the day before to avoid the lines and crowds at restaurants. The only difference is that here it doesn't make as much sense. So I fucked up 3 years ago and wrote my first post right in the middle of the NBA Finals. My timing could have been better. But here is where we all have to move on with our lives and get to the matter at hand.
I know why you are here. I know what you seek. I know how far you have traveled and how far you would continue to travel to get what you came for. I know I'm the only one that can give it to you. And I know you know that I know all this. I don't deceive you when I title my blog Infinite Wisdom From El Guapo's Brain. I am wise and good looking. While I can't give you good looks, I can most certainly pass on my knowledge to those who wish to be enlightened. In the words of Eminem, "Fuck dropping a jewel, I'm flipping the sacred treasure." I'm not satisfied sitting on this mountain of understanding by myself. I've tossed some rope down for you, and I got a firm grasp on it too. Will you join me? Of course the journey will be long and strenuous. The average man will give up and settle on the knowledge he has. You will need to be tough, but most of all you will need to be patient.
I wasn't always a patient man. If you ever get to meet me you might notice how laid back I can be. At work or at home, with colleagues or loved ones, I aim to display a level of patience that optimizes the quality of life. People are different and the things they do sometimes can rub other people the wrong way. Everyone wants to world to be at their level of understanding and the truth is that this will never be the case. The point is to accept this fact. It makes day to day human interactions much easier, but most importantly it takes away unnecessary stress and allows you to be happier in general. Again, I didn't always believe this. I was as impatient as they come. I would bark at anyone who displeased me, I detested waiting in lines and I absolutely despised repeating myself to people who I felt were incompetent. I also knew at the time that this was no way to live life. It's OK to get upset at people. Humans have emotions. Letting those emotions control the way you react and letting them have an effect on your attitude is not OK. I knew all this and I wanted to change.
The summer of 2013 I had broken up with an ex-girlfriend and I was back home for the summer. I got my old job back at Bath Fitter and was ready to move on with my life. I thought the best way to get over a break up was to drink a lot (which I did) and also work on myself. I made it a goal of mine to become a much more patient guy. I visualized my goal in my mind and I also prayed about it. See, my high school scripture studies teacher (I went to a Catholic school), Mr. Shelton once told the class that the way prayer works is much more than just asking and then receiving. He said if you ask God for strength, God isn't just going to magically make you a stronger person. Instead, Shelton said, God is going to put you in a situation that gives you the opportunity to grow and become and stronger person. I took these words of wisdom with me when I completed high school. I knew if I prayed for patience that God wasn't going to make me resigned overnight. He's not a genie. I knew He would send a challenge and I had to be ready for it.
Into my life came Sandy, and old white woman, short and stout. She was around the age of 70, maybe older. She waddled like a penguin when she walked and she had this permanent look of confusion. She was friendly however and she took a liking to me. It had been a year since I left Bath Fitter and all of my former co-workers were no longer employees there. The only person still there was my boss Jen who was kind enough to give me my old job back. Sandy was the first person I met from this new generation of employees. I shared a lot of my shifts with Sandy. This became increasingly difficult quite quickly. Part of my job was to try to convince people to have somebody come over and check out their bathroom and give an estimate on the price of replacing their tub. It's a little hard to do, only because most people aren't in the market of spending a couple of Gs to replace their bathtub. I can do it though and I've done it in the past. Sandy... she... she's not as good. She talks a little slower and she gets herself confused a lot. That's not a problem for me, until she jumps into my pitches and scares off some of my potential leads. It happened quite a few times and it usually bugged me quite a bit.
She wasn't any better in staff meetings. She would do this thing where she would raise her hand to ask a question. The head honcho would look at her and gesture her to ask away. Sandy would begin to ask her question, only 5 words in she would stop mid sentence. She then acted as if she had completed her question. The boss would then be baffled and try to decipher what the question was about. It might go something like this:
Sandy: I have a question.
Boss: Go head, Sandy.
Sandy: Usually when people come up to me...
(Pause)
Boss: Yes, Sandy?
Sandy: (Still pausing.)
Boss: Okay, yes. People should be coming up to you. I think that's what Sandy is trying to say. Right?
Sandy: (Staring blankly)
This happened more than once. It happened more than 5 times. I remember going home and telling my mom all about Sandy and how annoying I thought she was. My mom though I was being mean. I wasn't the only one who didn't like working with her. My other co-workers absolutely hated her. Looking at your schedule and seeing Sandy's name next to yours during your shift was like finding out your dog ran away at Bath Fitter. It just wasn't easy. If as a guy you were too friendly to a girl she would bring it up to the boss that you are being flirty at the work place. She would be mean to workers from other companies in the same area that were getting more business than us. She cared too much about Tupperware. Seriously. She once asked me if I knew what Tupperware was. I told her yes, because I do. She then proceeded to explain to me in detail what Tupperware was and all the fun adventures she's had using the product. She listed all the food she's ever been able to put in Tupperware. If there's a limit on how long a conversation on Tupperware should last, my money is at about two minutes. She exceeded that limit by at least a half hour.
The week of Fourth of July, 2013 I was scheduled to work at the Marin County Fair for five days. I wasn't alone though. I had a partner and her name rhymed with Randy. (It was Sandy.) As I saw her waddle to our booth I told myself to suck it up and make it through these five days. These weren't short-shifts, mind you. These were cinco consecutive eight-hour shifts. All with Sandy. She did her usual routine: scaring off leads, being mean to people, asking me questions I thought were dumb. At one point she asked me if I was good at math. I said yes. Apparently in her latter years she had taken up arithmetic as a "hobby" of sorts and she wanted to test me. Her first question was: "What's heavier? A pound a feathers or a pound of bricks?" You know what my answer was. But she was shocked that I got it right. Absolutely stunned. She continued to ask me simple math questions for about 3 hours straight.
At one point within those five days she asked me if I wanted to know how she got a recent leg injury. I said sure. She stared at me blankly for the next 20 seconds before finally coming back to reality. When she finally got around to telling her story it went like this: "I was walking up the stairs to my apartment and somebody threw a rock at my leg. I think it was a police man. But when I turned around nobody was there." Now, I wanted to debate the plausibility of this story as much as I want to debate the plausibility of one of my family's ghost stories, but I bit my tongue and decided to go along with it. The last day I decide to clean one of the bathtubs we are displaying. Sandy takes the opportunity to complement me on my cleaning skills, which I kind of appreciated, sort of. What she said next, I didn't appreciate. "You must get your cleaning skills from your mom. I'm sure she's great at cleaning bathrooms." Whoa! That is not something you want to say to a Latino, especially one that comes from such a proud family. We appreciate hard labor and our family comes from humble beginnings, but my mom is a teacher and a health educator. Assuming she's a housekeeper is a no-no. But before I unleashed hell on Sandy, I sat back and took a breath. She's old, ignorant and obviously confused, I told myself. What's the point of getting mad at her. She doesn't understand what she's saying. For Christ sake, she thinks a police officer threw a rock and her leg and then disappeared. I let it go.
An hour later I got a text from my boss, Jen that she was coming over to visit us. At this time I am very mad at Jen for putting me with Sandy for five fucking days! I tell myself I'm going to give Jen a piece of my mind when she comes by. When I finally see her approach the booth Sandy is looking at some Tupperware in another section. Perfect time to vent to Jen. But when Jen approached the first thing she did was hug me. Confused, I embraced her back. She thanked me. "I'm so sorry for putting you with her for five days. But you are the only person I know who is patient enough to deal with her. Thank you. I know how tough it must have been, but I knew you could handle it better than anyone. Don't worry, you don't have to work with her again." Jen just called me patient. Someone called me patient! When Jen wrote me a letter of recommendation highlighting my patience I finally realized Sandy's significance in this chapter in my life. I achieved my goal and my life is better because of that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you never know how important certain people are in your life until much later. And although I like to laugh at the memories of working with Sandy, I do appreciate the impact she had on my life. This is the 3 year and 1 month anniversary of the first time I wrote a blog post, but it's also the two year anniversary from the last time I worked with Sandy. Stay Guapo out there!
Some people say the best movie ever made was The Godfather. Some people say it's Citizen Kane. There's people who say The Shawshank Redemption is the GOAT. They're all wrong. The greatest movie of all time is Jurassic Park. Period, point, blank. Those first three movies are missing one key ingredient: dinosaurs. That's the rule; in order for a movie to be the best, it must have dinosaurs. The Dark Knight? Great movie, gritty, Batman is the coolest superhero, Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker was legendary, no dinosaurs. Pulp Fiction is a Tarantino classic and one of the most unique movies ever. No dinosaurs. Schindler's List was directed by Spielberg and was absolutely genius. It's up there but...
When I was a kid I was absolutely fascinated by dinosaurs. Correction: I was obsessed with dinosaurs! Another correction: I am still obsessed with dinosaurs! Something about these extinct creatures of a distant time kept my attention. They were so much bigger than the current animals on the planet and so much cooler. Fuck giraffes. If I wanted a long-necked animal I looked toward a Brontosaurus. Lions are cool, but a T-Rex would eat the shit out of Simba. I really dig wolves because they're lethal pack hunters. But really, they're just the poor man's version of a Velociraptor. I wanted to know every kind of dinosaur there was and I wanted to dig up dinosaur bones, to be a paleontologist. Let's back it up. Before I wanted to dig up dinosaur bones I wanted to be a dinosaur. My mom used to be embarrassed because I would pretend I was a dinosaur and bite other kids at pre-school. My mom put a stop to that by bluntly telling me that I wasn't, nor ever will be, a dinosaur. (Dick move!) I obviously loved movies that featured these majestic beasts. A Land Before Time comes to mind. It was great when I was a kid, and it even made me shed a tear at the age of 20. I also liked Disney's Dinosaur. Not a classic, but it was still a fun ride. But Jurassic Park was something else. I don't use this word a lot, but I was captivated. I thought I was legit looking at real dinosaurs. The CGI was way ahead of its contemporaries. Some movies don't age as well because we can point out their primitive graphics. This isn't one of those movies. The film had everything. It was adventurous, suspenseful, funny, meaningful and transcendent.
That last word is the key for me: transcendent. See, the plot is great already. Rich guy wants to build a theme park featuring extinct dinosaurs. Said rich man asks scientists to visit the park and sign off on it. Dinosaurs run free and eat people. That right there is a great adventure, but that's not all this movie has to offer. There are themes to this shit. While there are many to choose from, I'll stick with a quote that has latched to my cranium: "Life finds a way." This line was said by none other than Jeff Goldblum's Ian Malcolm, who is skeptical about scientists meddling with nature and playing God. I think that line itself is transcendent. We look at how much human activity has had an impact on earth, some good and some really terrible. Think about deforestation and poaching that have caused many of the beautiful inhabitants of the earth to diminish in size until they've become endangered, or even worse, extinct. You don't have to back very far to remember the recent oil spill off the coast of Santa Barbara. The images of birds with wings covered in oil is heartbreaking. It can all make you feel hopeless for world. Human beings need to step up and try to remedy the injustices. Unfortunately some of the damages are hard to reverse. But you can take comfort in Goldblum's words: Life finds a way. Life wants to exist. Life wants to create more life. Life is resilient, more so than we can imagine. I have hope that if we do our part, and really put an effort in restoring this beautiful planet, life will keep fighting an eventually win out. Sure, Dr. Malcolm was talking about dinosaurs getting out and eating people when he uttered those words, but the words are transcendent, much like the rest of the movie.
It is the reason why I am able to watch this movie again and again without any drop-off in my enjoyment. I can still pull something new from the movie. Each time I pop the disc in the DVD player it feels brand new again. There's a reason why at the age of 20 I coughed up good money (I was recently laid off at the time) to watch Jurassic Park 3D. For me it's a classic, and it stands in an elite club. I am a kid again when I am watching this movie, the world grew up without me. The stars of the movie have aged and moved on to other things. Jeff Goldblum starred in The Lost World: Jurassic Park.(Not on par with the original, but slightly underrated. The Lost World had its moments.) Sam Neill (Dr. Alan Grant) did Jurassic Park 3 (sad face) and then I never saw him again until he starred on Fox's Alcatraz. (I really enjoyed Alcatraz, but it was cancelled after just one season! Curse you Fox!) After the atrocious third movie everyone distanced themselves from the franchise. It seemed as if the franchise would go extinct, with the trilogy ending on a sour note. But wouldn't you know it, life found a way.
I first heard rumors of a Jurassic Park project a few years ago. I remember being really excited at first. I re-watched the first movie on my laptop and got even more excited. I watched the sequel and I was a little less excited, but nonetheless I was eager to see if these rumors would come to fruition. By the time I saw Jurassic Park 3 I was no longer as excited. I was worried. My childhood couldn't take anymore beatings. If Universal Studios was just going to fuck this movie up, I needed them to just back off. But when the rumors were confirmed I kept my ear to the ground to figure out who would take part in the "untitled Jurassic Park project". If Universal was going to resurrect this classic, I needed to know the right people were going to be involved. I heard Stephen Spielberg would not be directing (bummer) but he would be producing. I never heard of the director, Colin Trevorrow, prior to Jurassic World, but it was the writing that concerned me the most.
That's part of what led me to watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Sure, I actually wanted to see the revival of this franchise that didn't involve Tim Burton, but my hidden motive was scoping out the talent. See, I heard the writers, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, were also attached to Jurassic World. Like an NBA scout at a college game, I was checking these players out before approving them for the Jurassic World roster. (Not that my disapproval would put a halt to production.) As I wrote about before, I loved both the Apes movies so emphatically that in my own head I green-lighted this project. (I like to think I'm involved in these Universal board meetings.) Now I have to approve of the star: Chris Pratt.
Chris Pratt is the best. I love Chris Pratt and so do a lot of other people. In fact, I don't think I've ever heard of anyone who detested him. He's a likable guy. I knew him first from Parks & Rec as Andy Dwyer, a total lovable and kind-hearted goofball. He was one of the funniest characters on the show and a fan favorite. For me the order goes: Tom, Ron, Andy, then Jean-Ralphio. But as great as Chris Pratt was on the sitcom, he wasn't the lead and his role didn't really scream out: "Movie Star!" He had some supporting roles in great movies such as Moneyball and Zero Dark Thirty. He was great in them, but he wasn't carrying those movies. In comes the out-of-nowhere hit Guardians of the Galaxy. Ask my dad, I wasn't planning on even watching this movie. Like many people, I had no idea who these Guardians were. My dad insisted that I would like it, and eventually he wore me down and I saw it, but not until I found out this fact: Chris Pratt is to star in Jurassic World. Time for Head JW Scout El Guapo to wait in line at the midnight premiere. Look back at my review and you can see that Guardians blew my mind. Gone were the images of a tubby, funny Chris Pratt. CP was now buff as shit and could definitely carry a movie. He needed to be in my (I mean, Spielberg's) movie.
Months later we land on Thursday, June 11th, about an hour away from midnight. There's nowhere I'd rather be. I've seen all the trailers. I've read any article I could get my hands on. Those promos, interviews and TV spots are registered in my mind. All leading up to one moment. I've learned to trust again and my heart was in the hands of Spielberg, Trevorrow, Jaff, Silver, and Pratt. They were either going to disappoint me or earn my love forever. (Well, Spielberg already had it.)
Movie Review
Jaff and Silver did it again. They wrote an amazing story that transferred amazingly on screen. Decades after the failure of Jurassic Park (the park, not the movie) due to the main attraction eating people, the park has been reopened and re-branded as Jurassic World. This park actually works and the dinosaurs are not eating people. It seems as if everybody learned their lesson and no disasters will happen. (Wrong! But we'll get back to it.) Meanwhile brothers Zach and Gray are shipped off to visit their work-centric aunt Claire while their parents work out their divorce. As a product of divorced parents (two-time club member, baby) I can definitely symphytize. I read an article that wrote the Spielberg uses broken homes and divorced parents in his films a lot because he too saw his parents get divorced. Nothing to do with the story, but I thought it was interesting. Aunt Claire is too busy for the boys and can't hang out with them. She is too busy unveiling the park's new attraction to the shareholders: a genetically modified dinosaur that's a T-Rex mixed with a mystery dino. (Remember when I sarcastically said that everybody learned their lesson? That's called foreshadowing.) Claire must enlist Raptor trainer and dinosaur expert Owen to take a look at the creature and make sure it is safe to unveil. Won't get into how, but the dinosaur, dubbed Indominus Rex, escapes and shit goes down. Now our hero Owen must take her down before she eats everyone on the island. If your balls aren't tingling right now you should go get your shit checked out. Then after that go catch this movie.
What I really liked about his movie was the fact that I could pretend that The Lost World and Jurassic Park 3 never, ever happened. Obviously they are going to reference the original film throughout the course of this movie. But never do they ever talk about 2 or 3. There's no talk about Isla Sorna or San Diego or Spinosuarus. Jurassic Park was the only source material they needed. In my mind I can pretend that Jurassic World was the sequel 22 years in the making. You seriously don't know how big a deal this is. It's almost like being in a terrible relationship then getting in a really good one and forgetting all about that terrible ex.
What made Jurassic Park wasn't solely the dinosaurs. The characters, who they were and how they were developed and portrayed, was a factor in the film's success. We cared about those characters. We wanted them to survive this theme park out of hell. We hated other characters and wanted them to get eaten by a T-Rex. Love them or hate them, we were invested in the lives of those characters. Jurassic Park 3 lacked that component and failed as a movie. I was anxious as to how Jurassic World would do. Owen, played by Chris Pratt, is, and I'm taking a quote from the movie, a bad-ass. He fucking trains Raptors. He's an expert on dinosaurs and survival. He's smart, witty and conscientious, the ideal hero. Chris Pratt played it perfectly, and I don't see anyone in Hollywood playing this role as well as Pratt did. What can I say? He's on a role. How about Ron Howard's daughter. Bryce Dallas Howard plays the overworked and neglecting aunt who runs the shindig. She is uptight and very career oriented. She doesn't even know the age of her nephews. When disaster strikes, however, her survival and maternal instincts come to play. Can't be understated how much more attractive she becomes once she's sweaty and dirty. (Clean Claire is a 7. Dirty, Sweaty Claire is a 9.) Don't act like I'm being misogynistic and shallow ladies. Who would you rather have, 2007 Chris Pratt or 2015 Chris Pratt? Exactly. The little brother is played by the kid who falls into a coma in Insidious and the older brother is a relatively unknown actor. The older brother really had to grow on me. His "I don't give a fuck if I'm at a cool ass dinosaur park, I'm gonna do me, ignore my troubled little brother and strike out hitting on girls" attitude really bothered me. But survival instincts come to play and big bro is now likable.
What we really came for was some damn dinosaurs. To begin the graphics are amazing. I still feel like I'm looking at real life dinosaurs. I didn't expect any drop off there. The Raptors were there obviously and played an integral part in the film. They look much better than the Jurassic Park 3 versions. T-Rex makes a cameo and there's that big ass shark dinosaur. No Spinosaurus this time and thank goodness. The big bad wolf is the Indominus Rex who is 10 times better than the Spinosaurus. She can run fast, camouflage, think strategically, doesn't have a stupid spine thing, and is genuinely scary. She's also an asshole. The T-Rex ate people dinosaurs because it was hungry. Just as the trailer told us, she kills for sport. We're good on dinosaurs and plenty good on the action too. Jurassic World might just be the most action packed of the franchise. The first 20-30 minutes are just setting the stage and introducing the characters. But once this she-bitch from hell gets out of her cage, there is hardly any pauses in the movie. I'm calling this movie the Summer Blockbuster of 2015. I liked it even better than Avengers: Age of Ultron. In its opening weekend Jurassic World broke the record for biggest opening weekend ever grossing $524 million world wide. The previous record holder was Harry Potter & the Deathly Hollows Part 2 proving once and for all that with the exception of NBA basketball, Raptors are better than wizards. (Suck it Hermoine!) Jurassic World is not Jurassic Park, but it didn't need to be. It just needed to surpass the two other sequels. It did more than that and then some. Life found a way. A Guapisimo is the only logical grade.
I hope you guys are enjoying my slew of movie reviews. I'm surprised I've even been able to keep up considering the NBA Finals (and the fucking parade!!!!!) so, yeah, impressive. Thank you for reading. Make sure you stay updated on all my posts from both this blog and Infinite Wisdom on the NBA by liking my Facebook page. I post everything there at your convenience. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr at @ELGUAPO3, @Captaincrunchtime, and sirelguapo.tumblr.com in that order. Add me on Snap Chat at crunchtimemario. I'm being as accessible as I can without handing out my phone number. If you like what you read, come back for more and bring a friend. Enjoy your summer and stay Guapo out there!
When I was younger my parents thought about leaving Comcast for a cheaper cable company. (This is back when we used to watch TV on a TV.) Comcast offered them a year of free HBO to continue their subscription. Little did I know, this would open the door to some of my favorite shows. Boardwalk Empire had me hooked every Sunday, so much that I created a blog just to talk about the show; Eastbound & Down is easily one of the most hilarious shows I have seen and is a reason I'm a Danny McBride fan; The Newsroom had that one really good season; The Sopranos is a television landmark; Game of Thrones is a cultural phenomenon; Veep has never failed to have me laugh uncontrollably; and the first season of True Detective was a 101 course in "Holy Shit!", and gave me a new-found appreciation for Matthew McConaughey. However, there is one show that I hold dear in my heart and when I first discovered my family's cable had HBO, it was the first show I wanted to see.
At that point in time I had heard about Entourage and had seen a few episodes at my cousins' house. I thought Entourage was one of the best shows I had ever seen. It was a show about friendship that just happened to be set in Hollywood. Vince, Eric, Johnny Drama and Turtle had a friendship that I cared about. The boys were constantly ribbing each other, one of my favorite aspects of the show, but would also stick by each other when the chips fell down. For me that was the ideal kind of friendship. By the time the series ended, the boys almost felt like they were my friends. Ari Gold quickly became my favorite character on the show. The quick-tempered, fast-talking agent took the show to another level for me. I looked forward for Ari's next appearance on screen. His speeches and rants were iconic, and he had the most memorable one-liners on the show, with Johnny Drama taking the silver in that department. Ari made me want to be a Hollywood agent and Entourage made me want to leave my comfortable home in Oakland and migrate to Los Angeles. And that's before I factor in the celebrity cameos. This show was funny, witty, dirty, interesting and lovable. I loved Entourage, even in the twilight seasons when the show looked like it was running on fumes. When the final season ended I felt satisfied, but I heard rumors that Doug Ellin, the show's creator, and Mark Wahlberg, the show's producer and inspiration, were interested in making a movie. The series finale tied the entire series in a nice little bow and gave us closure as we said goodbye to these best friends from Queens. The scene after the credits, however, gave us hope that we would see our friends again. That was 2011.
I would periodically check the web for any Entourage movie rumors with no avail. Finally, pieces here and there revived the rumors. But they were just rumors at that point, until they finally weren't. The day I read a headline that confirmed an Entourage movie was imminent I almost did a back flip off my bed. (I couldn't. I can't do back flips.) From that point on, it was just a waiting game. I anticipated this movie's release like most people anticipate a Marvel release. Each trailer release had me shadow boxing in excitement, even if I was in the middle of the school library during finals week. Entourage came out on a Wednesday and you know I was there to take in all the glory. So here is my movie review, but before we get into that, let's rank the Entourage seasons, because you know I can't resist lists and rankings. This way you can log into your HBO Go account (or your friend's) and know which seasons are absolutely essential. Let's begin. (Spoilers ahead!)
9. Season 7 Favorite Episode: "Bottoms Up"
Gun to my head I had to pick a least favorite season, it's season the seventh. It's really just a downfall year for basically everyone except Turtle. Vince, after crashing his stunt car during a film shoot, suddenly feels the need for live a risky life. He dates a porn star (I won't tell you who because you'll stop reading and search up her videos) and does drugs, which sounds fun, but isn't so. Drama is having career troubles as usual, but major developments occur. E, now engaged to Sloan, has to navigate the fiancee life, which sounds boring, and is. Turtle ventures out into his own business. Finally, Ari's problems at work catch up with him at home. Really, nobody had a good year except Turtle. Billy Walsh reappears this season, however he is now clean and drug-free, so he's not the Billy we know and love. This season was more about the drama (no pun intended) and less about the laughs.
8. Season 8 Favorite Episode: "The End"
Final seasons are usually pretty tough to do. You have to wrap of the series in a way that satisfies your audience. The problem with that, said Larry David, creator of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, in an interview, is that every member of the audience has already written their version of the finale in their heads. When the finale is not like the one they imagined, fans leave in disappointment and resentment. So Doug Ellin had a daunting task ahead of him. These were the stakes. Vince was fresh out of rehab and trying to get back to work. E is now single and his relationship with Sloan is quite complicated. Oh wait, that thing about their relationship being complicated is every season. Ari is struggling to adjust to life without his wife. Turtle is trying to get his business afloat. Drama is already having issues with his new TV show Johnny Bananas. From that starting point, the show uses 8 episodes to resolve the boys' issues. The ending is touching and was like I wrote it in my head.
7. Season 3 Part 2 Favorite Episode: "Return of the King"
I loved this season, but is has to fall somewhere. Technically this is the second half of the third season but I'm counting it as its own season. Season 3 part 2 gets docked down a few points for only being 8 episodes long. The less episodes there are for me to enjoy, the less enjoyable the season is. (Basic math.) Also the fact that Ari spends a majority of the season without contact from the boys takes away a crucial element to the show's success. Ari and E's hostile friendship(?) is something took look forward to. I want to see Ari throw witty insults at E. I want to see these two in close quarters. "Return of the King" is in the pantheon of great episodes. I now feel a little guilty of putting this season so low.
6. Season 4 Favorite Episode: "The First Cut Is the Deepest"
Maybe it's because at this point I was tired of hearing about Medellin, but this season just didn't quite crack top 5 for me. What I think it really was is Billy Walsh. Now don't get me wrong, I love me some Billy Walsh as much as the next guy. But there is such thing as too much. Billy is the type of character that should be taken in doses. He's not the main course. The season premiere "Welcome to the Jungle" is one of my least favorite episodes. But enough with the bad. Billy vs Eric is fun, and although there were times I got tired of him, Billy had some great moments throughout the season. This season also had a great mix of episodes that kept the story going and episodes that added nothing to the story, yet were entertaining as hell. Sometimes the overarching plot needs a break for a little.
5. Season 6 Favorite Episode: "Give a Little Bit"
OK, I know some people might be shaking their heads. On the surface this seasons doesn't really have much of a plot. Vince is back on top, he's got his next movie project lined up and he's on vacation for the time being. The only new thing that happens to Vince really is he can drive himself now. Yes, there are episodes there that don't progress the plot, but again, I think that's necessary for this show. But this was actually a really big season for a lot of other people. Lloyd wants a promotion now and is aiming for a position as an agent. Ari is not as enthusiastic about letting Lloyd leave his position as Ari's loyal assistant. Also, Ari is looking to acquire another company as his empire begins to expand. Meanwhile E and Sloan work out their complicated- blah, blah, blah. (I won't get sucked into this again.) E dates a crazy girl and his career as a manager seems to take off. This season for him, though, is as much about Sloan as anything else. Turtle is no longer complacent with being a member of Vince's entourage, so he begins to make moves. And Drama has an up and down season and considers giving up acting at one point. It's a big season for everyone except Vince, and that's not such a bad thing. The finale was just the icing on the cake.
4. Season 5 Favorite Episode: "Return to Queen's Blvd."
The theme of this season is Vince's attempt at a comeback. We see Vince hit rock bottom for really the first time in the series. What we get is a new, hungry Vincent Chase. I love laid back Vince, but hungry Vince is a different monster. From the premiere to the finale I think this was a really strong season. We get a little less about Turtle and Drama, but they provide plenty of antics to keep us entertained. But this season is more about Vince, Eric and Ari, all busting their asses to get Vince back in the business. My cousin once said that he could tell what season of Entourage we were in by the movie that Vince is pursuing. This season it is Smoke Jumpers, originally an indie movie that is being made into a studio film. Vince fights to get this movie made and when he finally gets on it, he clashes with the director, who believes Vince is a bad actor (which is true). The movie falls apart and Vince and the boys go back to Queens. This season had me invested in the boys more so than many others, and that's why it is number 4 on my list.
3. Season 1 Favorite Episode: "Busey and the Beach"
The one that started it all. Entourage burst on to the screen and hit the ground running. This is a short season, but all 8 episodes matter. Throughout the season we are still meeting our main characters, learning to love them. We know Vince is the laid back, up and coming movie star. We know his older brother is a struggling TV star who is neurotic and desperate for attention. We know Turtle relies on Vince to get him laid and likes to mess with E and Drama. We see E as Vince's best friend who is struggling to get his footing in Hollywood, working as his best friend's manager. And then there is Ari, the foul mouthed agent who will stop at nothing to get what he wants for himself and his clients. Each episode we see, we get to know our guys a little more, and we become connected to them. You can tell they haven't hit their stride yet, but you can imagine the possibilities. They set everything up for us, right down to establishing the frequent celeb cameos. It all culminates on "Busey and the Beach", which in my opinion is this season's best episode. This ep had everything you would want from an Entourage episode. You got the absolute best you could get from each character. It's part of the aforementioned pantheon of Entourage episodes. This where I think Entourage really took off. You could really add this to the beginning of Season 2. And in the upcoming episodes we would get our first taste of Billy Walsh.
2. Season 3 Part 1 Favorite Episode: "One Day in the Valley"
You know it's a good ass season when there are at least 5 episodes that are in the running for my favorite episode of the season. Riding the high of what was a spectacular season 2, the boys came back with another strong season. It starts off with the aftermath of Aquaman and leads into Vince's quest to star in Medellin. However, Warner Bros. wants Vince to do Aquaman 2 and Alan, the studio head, won't allow Vince to do his passion project. This results in a standoff in which the outcome is no Aquaman 2 and no Medellin for Vince Chase. Drama lands a role in 5 Towns which in the later seasons becomes a hit, and Turtle takes a stab at managing a rapper. Ari fights to get Vince the films he wants to do and ultimately takes a huge L this season. This all leads to his eventual firing at the hands of Vinny Chase. If there are any points to dock this season it would be because of Dom, who makes a two episode appearance. I see his purpose on the show, kind of, but he was just annoying throughout his time on air. Other than that it is a really strong season and really essential to the rest of the series.
1. Season 2 Favorite Episode: "Exodus"
OK, fuck whatever I said about season 3 having amazing episodes because season two blows it out of the water. The undisputed best episode is "Exodus" and you can't argue with me there. But the battle for the second best is a freakin' 8 episode race. This season has 14 episodes so it follows my rule of more being better. But it's not just quantity over quality. These are some really quality episodes here. There are no weak points throughout the season at all and that's tough to do considering its length. If I wanted to gather the 20 best episodes to present to a friend who has never seen the show, about half of the episodes I would show would come from season 2. Other seasons are really good as well, but this season is just leagues ahead of every other one The best moments and the best one liners seem to originate from this season. The movie in question this season is Aquaman, a comic book hero Vince originally didn't want to do. Ari pushed him, however, and got Vince to sign on. However, the rug gets pulled under him and suddenly it appears Vince might not get to star in this film. On Ari's end, the reemergence of his old boss and current partner Terrence McQuewick brings trouble. There is a power struggle for control over Vincent Chase and essentially the whole agency. This is also the season when Eric meets Sloan and they begin their 8 season-long up and down relationship. If Entourage ended after season two it would have still gone down as one of my all time favorite shows just based on these 14 episodes, but I'm glad they came back for more.
The film received some criticism upon its release. Some critics even called this movie an hour and a half episode. I don't see how that's an insult because that is exactly what this was. That's why I loved it so much. Here's where managing your expectations (something Ari talked about in "A Day in the Valley") comes in handy. You need to understand that Mark Wahlberg and Doug Ellin did not intend to make a Theory of Everything or a Birdman. They wanted to make another Entourage episode and they did just that. If you were a fan of the show then what you really wanted was to get it back for about 90 minutes. There's no way to not like this movie if you loved the show. The movie is better than a couple of the seasons. In fact, if it were a season itself I would rank it at number 5. But you don't have to have had watched the series to enjoy the movie. One of my coworkers told me she saw Entourage without ever having seen the show and she loved it. She was even inspired to watch the series. So knowing the characters isn't really necessary for your viewing experience. The movie will catch you up before it starts. However, having an Entourage background does help. You appreciate the jokes more, you already love this characters and you satisfy that sense of nostalgia. I had my girlfriend watch up to season 5 just to get her familiarized. Any gaps she was missing was answered in some way or another in the movie (or by me whispering her the answers).
In this film we catch up with our boys where we left off at the end of season 8. Ari is retired, but was just offered a job as the Warner Bros. studio head. Vince got married only to be divorced 8 days later. Now he is ready to work and Ari has a project for him: Hyde, a modern day Jekyll & Hyde story about a DJ that also features Calvin Harris. (If you were worried about a lack a celeb cameos, fear not. Entourage the movie is cameos galore.) Vince is on board, the only thing is he also wants to direct this time. Cut ahead 8 months later and Hyde is over budget and the film is not even done yet. Vince asks Ari for more money, which prompts Ari to visit the co-financiers, played by Billy Bob Thornton and the kid from The 6th Sense Haley Joel Osman. Vince is really nervous about showing anyone the movie, but Travis (Osman) must see it before he and his dad cough up any more dough. After finally viewing the movie Travis demands changes to the movie, in particular getting rid of Drama's role. Meanwhile E is dealing with pending baby mama drama. He and Sloan are again split up and E has having fun with women. However he and Sloan are still trying to work out their co-parenting issues. This leaves Turtle to try to court UFC champion Ronda Rousy. Most of the plot revolves around Hyde and Vince trying to get Travis to fund more money. This was a really fun movie with delightful cameos and those shots at Drama that we have grown to love. What I love about this movie is that it stayed in its lane. It never tried to be what it wasn't, and ultimately it became what it was destined to be: a damn good time at the movies. The ending left room for a sequel, and I hope there more than that. I give Entourage a solid Guapo. Now would be the perfect time to end this post with a Ari Gold quote, but I'm not that cheesy/ I didn't want to force it. So instead I leave you with this clip.
Bonus Movie Review: Insidious 3
Just in case you didn't get enough of me, here's my review of Insidious 3. (Wait, I didn't ask for this!) Well, then just skip ahead. I already started writing it and I don't intend to stop now. Let's just get something out of the way. I'm not a huge fan of scary movies. It has to do with the fact that my parents forced me to watch it with them as a kid. Whenever I would try to leave they would make me stay. My parents were dicks like that, but apparently my grandma was much worse. On top of that most horror films that have come up lately are ridiculous and unoriginal. Insidious was an exception. The plot was one of the most original I have seen out of a horror film and it was actually entertaining (and frightening). Insidious 2 might have been even better. Naturally I looked forward to number 3. I'm not sure why they released it in early June (would have made more sense around October) but hey, to each his own. I was excited though and I didn't manage my expectations. To put it bluntly, it just wasn't that good. This was a case when the Insidious crew should have quit while they were ahead. That doesn't happen in Hollywood, though. The director of the first two, James Wan, wasn't even at the helm for number 3. Insidious 3 was a prequel to the first two films, and while I'm all for prequels, this one just didn't work. Not even fan-favorite Elise, played by Lin Shaye, couldn't save this movie, which is too bad because I thought she would be able to carry the movie by herself. Maybe she can, just not with a weak script. I was mildly entertained, with an emphasis on the "mildly", and I wasn't scared. I wanted to be nice and give it a Ight, but I have to be real here and give it a Feo.
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