Thursday, August 7, 2014

Guardians of the Galaxy Review

Hello guapos and guapas!  This is the one and only El Guapo coming to you from Infinite Wisdom.  Now, I'm aware that my movie reviews haven't had as much success as my other posts (the reason why I didn't expand and start reviewing porn), but for those who appreciate me shedding some light on Hollywood's latest releases I have a duty to perform.  I had the pleasure of catching Guardians of the Galaxy opening weekend and had a positive experience.  Truth be told I wasn't sold on this movie when the announcement first came out at Comic Con a year ago.  I hadn't even heard of the Guardians.  I asked one of the only people that I know who could have possibly known who these guys were, my dad.  Well, he didn't know either.  The first trailer came out and I thought it looked OK.  Possibly a little cheesy.  Maybe I'll catch it at the RedBox, I thought.  When I made my list of the summer movies I had to see this year I left Guardians out.  My dad told me to give it a shot.  He said I might really like these characters.  (Keep in mind my dad has no idea who these guys are.)  As the second trailer came out and as the release date approached I started to have a change of heart.  Plus, seeing as Marvel would probably try to tie this franchise in with The Avengers, I figured I didn't want to catch the movie missing some major pieces of the story.  Out of everything that stood out about this film, the most notable were the characters.

Peter (Star Lord) Quill
Chris Pratt has quietly become one of Hollywood's biggest actors and will possibly be a household name in the near future.  I remember when I first started watching Parks & Rec I didn't think much of Chris Pratt outside of a comedic role.  He's funny, there's no denying that.  But back then I couldn't picture him as the lead in a Marvel movie.  Sometimes when an actor is too funny it's hard to picture them in any other kind of role.  I mean some actors have that kind of range, (not that I'm saying Pratt could hold his own in a biopic of JFK) but could you imagine Zach Galifianakis in non-comedic movie or show.  (Just checked his IMDb page, all comedy from the ones I could recognize.)  Pratt was also pretty chunky, which I guess coincides with the theory that fat people tend to be funnier, but again makes it harder for anyone to picture as the lead in a superhero movie.  

But Pratt put in some hours in some non-comedic projects that were successful.  He played Scott Hatteberg in Moneyball, a story about of the best teams in baseball, the Oakland A's (Yeah, bitch), and was even in Zero Dark Thirty, the movie that should have won Best Picture at the 2013 Oscars. (It's all politics, kids.)  Sure, he did some comedic roles during that stretch including Movie 43 (awful), Lego Movie (allegedly good), and yes, he was still doing Parks this whole time.  But this role was somehow perfect for Chris Pratt.  I'm having a hard time picturing anyone else playing Peter Quill.  I've heard/read some people calling Star Lord the poor man's Han Solo, but I think that's unfair.  I say he's the middle class man's Han Solo.  Regardless, Pratt gets to flap his feathers as the lead in a superhero flick and he is a natural.  He's got the charisma and beefing himself up also helped a big deal, but it's his comedic talent that really comes through for him.  With Guardians being a hybrid between a superhero movie and an action comedy, Chris Pratt is given the perfect situation to shine.  But most importantly, he won my approval as a lead in the upcoming Jurassic World movie.

The least funny of the quintet, but she's not there to be funny.  Zoe Saldana plays the sexy and fierce assassin Gamora and in the process started the puberty stage for many young boys in the audience.  (Zoe went from playing a sexy blue alien to playing a sexy green alien.  I think I now have an alien fetish.)  Again, perfectly cast.  Gamora made this movie as exciting as it was and Zoe was able to find the right middle ground of being intoxicating and thrilling.  Other than Avatar and Star Trek, I haven't been that impressed with Zoe's roles, but I guess she's just one of those actresses that, in the right situation, can really come through, and in the wrong situation, become forgettable.  But not this time!  This time she nailed it!

I guess wrestlers aren't bad actors.  Dave Bautista plays Drax, a warrior seeking revenge for the death of his family who also happens to not understand metaphors.  (One of the funniest gags of the film)  He doesn't have the responsibility of carrying the movie like Chris Pratt and Zoe Saldana do, but Bautista does a well enough job that I didn't spend the entire movie wondering why they decided to cast a professional wrestler.  He was funny when he needed to be and showed signs up potentially being an action movie star.

I'll admit I'm not the biggest Vin Diesel fan.  I don't go to his fan club meetings.  I don't get excited when I see his name in the credits.  His best movie (series) has to be the Fast & Furious franchise and it's not like he's the best thing about that either.  (I probably rank him as the 5th best thing about that series.  Ouch!)  But sure, he's given us those movies (even though I think they should have stopped at Fast Five) and I liked XXX, but I consciously skip the Reddick movies on cable and he gave us The Pacifier which should cancel out every single good movie he's ever been a part of.  (That's why I ignored typing Saving Private Ryan.)  Is it all Vin's fault?  Could it be bad writing?  A bad agent?  Bad Acting?  Whatever the case this was his best performance in a while, lending his voice to say the words "I", "Am" and "Groot" and even throwing in a "We" at the end.  (Ironically, Vin's voice might be top 3 in a list of things I don't like about him.)  Regardless, Groot is a lovable character and it makes me mad that I have to give credit to Vin Diesel.  So instead I'll give Vin 12% (which is better than 11%) and give the rest to the crew.

I knew I was going to love this guy before I walked in the theater.  Bradley Cooper (probably the most accomplished actor of this five-some) lends his voice to this character.  Rocket is exciting, funny, sarcastic and is a perfect compliment to the rest of this group.  Bradley Cooper does a fine job here, even if he is using some kind of Boston accent while playing a talking raccoon who happens to be an expert on arms and explosives.


So here we have the perfect blend of characters, with actors who got the job done.  This wasn't by any means the best movie of the summer, but it wasn't trying to be.  Like I said earlier, this movie isn't so much a standard superhero movie as it is a cross between a superhero movie and a action comedy, leaning more towards the comedy.  It wasn't aiming to be The Dark Knight, or even Captain America.  It definitely wasn't trying to be 12 Years a Slave or Zero Dark Thirty.  It was merely trying to entertain you with some quality action scenes and visual effects, and at the same time make you laugh.  This film did its job.  So how do I rank it?  It's tough because I have to factor in the attempt of the movie.  If this movie was trying to be more than it is, then it failed.  It's like if someone said they were going to make you an omelette and they make you an egg.  They failed even if it was a good egg.  But if someone says they'll make you an egg and they make you a pretty damn good egg they succeeded.  The problem is that he only made you an egg so it's hard to stack up against the good omelettes you had yesterday and the day before that.  Which is why, even though I really liked this movie, I had decided to give this movie an "Ight".  But then I remembered the soundtrack and said, "Fuck it, I don't have that long a life span anyway" and gave this shit a "Guapo". 

That's my review.  Check out the movie if you haven't.  Follow me on Twitter and Instagram.  @ELGUAPO3 for my wise tweets @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME for my Guapo photos.  Keep on the lookout for more of my posts.  Have a great day and stay Guapo out there! 

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