Thursday, June 27, 2013

Top 10 NBA Draft Classes

Hello guy!  Guapo is back with another edition of Infinite Wisdom.  Tonight we are talking about the NBA Draft, something I really used to care about when the Warriors were habitual lottery pickers.  (Those days are over.)  But I'm still interested in seeing where these draftees will land.  Sure, this isn't a very strong draft class.  I don't see a lot of these players making it big in the NBA.  So it got me thinking about some of the best classes.  So I decided to make a list ranking the 10 best draft classes.  These draft classes will be judged on the success of the draftees in the NBA.  I will take into account the Hall of Famers and and all-stars.  For the more recent draft classes I will do my best to project which players could potentially bes Hall of Famers.  Here we go.

10. 1970 (Best Pick: Pete Maravich)
I did some actual research for this post and I came up with 1970 for #10.  The first pick was Bob Lanier by Detroit.  Pistol Pete was taken third.  We also have Nate Archibald and Dave Cowens being drafted in 1970.  Maybe this isn't a draft full off the most popular and well known players to ever play but it does include five Hall of Famers.  Don't worry the list gets better.  (Not by much.)

9. 1998 (Best Pick: Dirk Nowitzki)
This draft featured possibly the best foreign player to ever play the game in Dirk Nowitzki  He's a former NBA MVP and a Finals MVP.  There's another Finals MVP in this draft in Paul Pierce was was taken 9th immediately after Dirk.  That's two definite future Hall of Famers.  And although I don't agree, I have heard Hall of Fame arguments for Vince Carter who was also taken in this draft.  He's an 8 time all-star and an All NBA Second Team selection.  Again, I don't agree with it, but I wouldn't be that shocked if it somehow happened.

8. 1992 (Best Pick: Shaquille O' Neal)
In 1992 two of the greatest centers the league has ever seen were picked first and second.  Shaquille O' Neal is an obvious future Hall Of Famer.  He was four rings under his belt including three Finals MVPs.  He was league MVP in 2000 and is one of the most dominant players to ever play the game.  Alonzo Mourning was the second pick and would eventually win a title playing alongside Shaq with the Heat.  His many accolades give him a deserving spot on the Hall of Fame.  And who knows, if Christian Laettner had actually panned out like people thought he would this draft would be higher up the list.

7.  1960 (Best Pick: Jerry West)
Here's a draft non of my readers remember, including me.  So who came out of this draft?  We got Jerry West who is an NBA Champion with the Lakers and the only player to my knowledge who was the Finals MVP on the losing team. (Da fuck?)  We also have Hall of Famer Oscar Robertson who was the first walking triple-double.  Moving on.

6.  1989 (Best Pick: Shawn Kemp)
While this draft doesn't have any Hall of Famers, it has at least two players that should be considered.  First is Shawn Kemp.  He alongside Gary Payton lead the Supersonics to the NBA Finals.  He was a 6 time all-star and played on the USA team during the 1994 World Championships.  The next is Tim Hardaway who is famous for the UTEP Two-Step.  Played for the Warriors during the Run TMC era and had some good years with the Heat.  He was a 5 time all-star and made the All NBA First Team in 1997.

5. 1987 (Best Pick: David Robinson)
The 1987 draft featured three Hall of Famers and one player that should be a Hall of Famer.  David Robinson was a two time NBA Champion with Tim Duncan and the Spurs.  He was a member of the Dream Team.  He was league MVP in 1995.  His Dream Team teammate, Scottie Pippen is also a Hall of Famer.  He won six championships with the Chicago Bulls and was one of the best defensive players to play the game.  Reggie Miller was the best three-point shooter in the league's history until Ray Allen showed up.  Mark Jackson deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.  He is third all time in assists.  (Is that good?)  And just because, I'll throw Horace Grant's name in there as a notable draft pick.

4.  1985 (Best Pick: Patrick Ewing)
In 1985 four draft picks eventually went on to be inducted in the Hall of Fame.  The first pick was Pat Ewing who was the leader of the Knicks throughout the 80s and 90s and led them to the Finals twice.  He never won a ring but he was part of the Dream Team and an 11 time all-star.  Chris Mullin went #7 for the Warriors and was part of that aforementioned Dream Team with Pat Ewing and Run TMC team with Tim Hardaway.  Karl Malone lead the Utah Jazz to the Finals twice where he lost both times to Michael Jordan and the Bulls.  He won the league MVP twice in 1997 and 1999.  He was also part of the Dream Team.  Joe Dumars is the only Hall of Famer in this draft class to win a championship and was even Finals MVP in 1989 with the Detroit Pistons.

3.  2003 (Best Pick: LeBron James)
This is the most recent draft class and the third best.  LeBron James is obviously a future Hall of Famer.  He's one of the best all around players of all time.  He's a four time league MVP.  He's a two time NBA Champion and Finals MVP.  Dwayne Wade will be inducted in the Hall of Fame.  He's a three time champion and has a Finals MVP under his belt from 2006.  As much as I hate to say it Chris Bosh will probably make the Hall of Fame.  He was a vital player during the two championships the Heat have won so far.  Carmelo Anthony will probably also make the Hall of Fame despite not having a ring.  Maybe this draft class will move down in Melo and Bosh don't end up making it.

2.  1996 (Best Pick: Kobe Bryant)
There aren't Hall of Famers in this class yet, but there will be.  Obviously we have Kobe Bryant.  As much as I don't like him I can't deny the truth.  Five time NBA Champion, two time Finals MVP, and league MVP in 2008.  There's a bunch of other shit too.  The first overall pick Allen Iverson should also be inducted.  He was league MVP in 2001 and lead the 76ers to the Finals.  Ray Allen is the greatest three-point shooter of all time and is a two time champion.  Steve Nash is a two time league MVP.  That's four potential Hall of Famers.

1.  1984 (Best Pick: Michael Jordan)
Even if Mike was the only good player out of this draft class I'd probably still put this class as number one.  But there's a bunch of other great players from this class too, so there's some cushion between 1984 and 1996.  But let's get through this draft class.  Michael Jordan is a six time champion, six time Finals MVP, five time league MVP, blah, blah, blah, greatest player of all time.  The #1 draft pick was Hakeem Olajuwon who lead the Houston Rockets to two championships and was MVP in 1994.  Charles Barkely never won a ring but was league MVP once and lead the Suns to the Finals.  John Stockton is one of the best point guards of all time and lead the Jazz to the Finals twice.  In summation this draft class was alright.

Okay folks, that's my time.  I hope you enjoyed this post.  Did you guys watch the NBA draft? (No.)  I don't blame you, but I did and I don't think it will ever make this list.  Follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  I'm out of here.  Stay tuned for more posts.  Stay Guapo out there!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Ranking the NBA Finals Losers since 2003 (Version 2.0)

Hello my friends!   El Guapo back with another edition of Infinite Wisdom.  Tonight we have a special new version of one of my more successful posts.  Last December I wrote a post ranking the NBA Finals losers since 2003 and it was a pretty big hit.  With these NBA Finals over I figured why not update this old post.  (I'm starting to get a little lazy.)  So that is exactly what I have done.  Where will the 2013 NBA Finals runners up San Antonio Spurs land on the list?  Continue reading to find out.

11. 2007- Cleveland Cavaliers (Lost in 4 Games)
This is the only team on this list that got swept in the Finals.  I remember this being a super boring match up.  I also remembering earlier in the playoffs my Warriors upsetting the Dallas Mavericks.  We Believe!  (God! Do you ever shut up about the Warriors?) Nope.  Now back in '07 everyone thought the Finals would be a rematch between the Pistons and Spurs.  Then, in the Eastern Conference Finals, LeBron James said "Not Today!" and single-handedly upset the Detroit Pistons to put the Cavs in the Finals.  And I really mean single-handedly.  Do you even want me to tell you the rest of the starting line-up?  Boobie Gibson, Drew Goodon, Sasha Pavlovic & Big Z.  Well, long story short LeBron couldn't defeat the Spurs on his own.

10. 2009- Orlando Magic (Lost in 5 Games)
I bet a good number of people reading this blog are going, "Oh yeah, the Magic were in the Finals.  Forgot all about that."  And with good reason; this was a very unmemorable match-up.  Everyone and their mom wanted to see LeBron vs. Kobe and if not at least a Boston/Los Angeles rematch.  Sad to say we got neither.  This was back when Dwight Howard was still NBA's sweetheart.  "Dwight can do no wrong!" they said.  (Silly Orlando folk.)  It's not like this was a shitty team necessarily.  It just wasn't nearly as good as the Lakers.  Orlando's offense consisted of having Dwight in the middle with their three-point sharp shooters (Hedo Turkoglu, Rashard Lewis, Jameer Nelson & good ol' Mickael Pietrus) waiting for the pass when Dwight couldn't get his in.

9. 2012- Oklahoma City Thunder (Lost in 5 Games)
What a disappointing series!  What was supposed to be an epic match-up between LeBron and Kevin Durant turned out to be an ass-kick by the Heat.  It never really got be Lebron vs. Kevin Durant because Russell Westbrook kept fucking things up for Durant.  I'm not hating on Westbrook, I love seeing this motherfucker play, but he has to be one of the most inefficient players in the NBA behind Klay Thompson.  (See, I could talk shit about my own team.)  It was never King James vs. KD.  Instead the rivalry became Russell Westbrook vs. himself, with LeBron becoming the clear winner.  It was a pretty solid team though: Kevin Durant the superstar, Russ Westbrook the explosive guard, James Harden the perfect 6th man, Serge Ibaka Mr. Get-That-Shit-Out-Of-Here himself, Kendrick Perkins not smiling, and Grandpa Derek Fisher.

8. 2011- Miami Heat (Lost in 6 Games)
At this time everybody was either in love with LeBron or secretly planning his assassination.  The latter was most likely because of "The Decision" made in the off-season.  There were a lot of people wishing him the worst during these Finals, including me.  And for anybody hating on LeBron, the results were priceless: LeBron averaging less than 18 points, the Heat losing in 6, Chris Bosh crying on the way to the locker room.  It's not like it was all Lebron's fault though; the Heat probably had one of the worst benches in the league.  It wasn't '07 Cavs bad, but still, it just wasn't a deep team.  Also a lot of sportscasters were trying to spin these Finals as some big rematch between the Mavericks and the Heat.  The only remaining players from the '06 Mavs team was Jason Terry and Dirk Nowitzki.  And unless I'm mistaken the only remaining players from the Heat were Udonis Haslem and Dwayne Wade.  (I'm not even going to bother looking that up.  You could do that as an extra curricular activity if you want.)

7. 2003- New Jersey Nets (Lost in 6 Games)
For all you youngsters out there who are watching their first season of NBA basketball it's time for me to drop some knowledge.  A long time ago the Brooklyn Nets used to be the New Jersey Nets.  And by "A long time ago" I mean just last year.  You can thank Jay-Z for that.  Anyway, the Finals prior to the ones in 2003 also featured the New Jersey Nets.  In 2002 they lost to the Los Angeles Lakers which featured the famous Kobe/Shaq duo.  Well, 2003 came around and the Nets were back for more and this time they were facing the Spurs.  The Nets were hungry for the title but my boy Stephen Jackson said, "Not today!" and put the dagger in them in game 6.  Even with a roster like Jason Kidd, an SJND alumni, Richard Jefferson, Kenyon Martin and Brian Scalabrine (yes, even the god couldn't help them) the Nets were no match for the Spurs.

6. 2004- Los Angeles Lakers (Lost in 5 Games)
On paper this sounds like a pretty good roster: Kobe Bryant, Derek Fisher, Karl Malone, Shaquille O' Neal, Gary Payton.  Too bad you don't play basketball on paper.  The thing was Karl Malone wasn't the Mailman anymore.  The Glove was out of his prime.  Shaq and Kobe had problems.  The result was a loss to the Detroit Pistons in 5 games.  And thus ended the Shaq & Kobe Lakers era.  Shaq would leave for the Miami Heat and it would be another five years before Kobe and the Lakers would win another title.  Five years doesn't sound like a long time but for the Lakers that's a lifetime.  (Those greedy bastards!)  The thing about this loss was the Pistons didn't really have any superstars.  They had a lot of good players, just no household names.  I remember thinking, "Who the hell are these guys?"

5. 2006- Dallas Mavericks (Lost in 6 Games)
They were up two games to none.  The Mavs had the Heat with their backs up against the wall.  Then Dwayne Wade said, "Not Today!" (it's such a great phrase to say) and led a Miami Heat comeback.  Mark Cuban's Mavs wouldn't get their "revenge" for another six years but the Mavs were surly a force to be reckoned with, right?  (The Mavs would lose in the first round to the Golden State Warriors the following year marking the greatest upset in NBA history.)  Still, they had a great roster.  Dirk Nowitzki was the unguardable big man who could light it up from three.  He was surrounded by solid players Josh Howard, Devin Harris, Jerry Stackhouse and Jason Terry.  They probably had a better roster than the Heat but Dwayne Wade was by far the best player in that series.  And no one on that team could stop Shaq, even if he was starting to decline.

4. 2008- Los Angeles Lakers (Lost in 6 Games)
The Lakers had gone through some mediocre years up until that point.  Then they decided to turn things around and bring in Pau Gasol in a trade with Memphis.  Now all of a sudden the Lakers were back in the Finals "reigniting" a rivalry with the Boston Celtics that had been dead since 1987.  But the Boston Celtics had the Big 3: Paul Pierce, Ray Allen & Kevin Garnett.  As skilled as Pau Gasol is, he was just too soft to handle KG.  The Lakers had a great roster though that would eventually win two titles.  Kobe had a chip on his shoulder and was trying to win a title without Shaq.  Pau Gasol was as skilled as you got in a big man.  Derek Fisher, a "Ranking the NBA Finals Losers Since 2003" veteren (see #9 and #6), just being there when needed.  Lamar Odom doing solid work at the three or four.  Andrew Bynum not playing because his body hates him.  All in all a good team. 

3. 2010- Boston Celtics (Lost in 7 Games)
A rematch from the Finals two years earlier.  The Celtics were sure to do it again, right?  Wrong!  Kobe & Gang knew what they were doing this time around.  This series went the full seven games, one of only two teams to do that on this list.  This year the Celtics weren't the "Big 3"; they were the "Big 4".  Ray Allen, Paul Pierce & KG had a group meeting and decided Rondo could sit at the cool kids table.  The only problem was that the Lakers acquired Ron Artest, now known as Metta World Peace (take notes kids), and his psychiatrist seemed to be the secret to their success.  Not even a repeat of the Paul Pierce's fake (?) knee injury from their previous Finals encounter could have saved the Celtics from the inevitable.  Kobe wasn't messing around.

2. 2013- San Antonio Spurs (Lost in 7 Games)
And we have arrived.  Six years after The Spurs swept LeBron and just LeBron living in Cleveland, the Spurs and King James met again.  (This time it was the Spurs vs LeBron living in Miami.)  This wasn't really the same Spurs team from years past.  They had the same core of Duncan, Parker, Ginoblili and Coach Pop, but other than that the supporting cast was completely different.  The Spurs landed a no. 2 seed in the playoffs and swept the Kobe-less Lakers.  (Basically the equivalent of the Sacramento Kings.)  Then they faced my Golden State Warriors and moved on after 6 games.  (Ah yes, the Warriors.)  The Spurs then swept the Grizzlies and saw themselves face to face with the league's best team and best player.  How was Grandpa Duncan going to pull this off?  Here's the thing: Grandpa went through some Benjamin Button shit and was balling like it was still '05.  The other former Finals MVP Tony Parker was putting in work.  Danny Green came out of nowhere and broke the NBA Finals record for 3-pointers passing Ray Fucking Allen.  (Ray got the last laugh.)  Gregg Popovich was delivering awesome sideline interviews like it was his job.  Then you got Leonard, Neal and Splitter.  It was a real solid team.  They were almost NBA champs.  They were 30 seconds away from sending the Heat to my infamous list, and who knows where I would have put them.  But then they choked in game 6.  It was a choke so bad I could have sworn they were deepthroating.  (Whoa, nasty reference.)  Long story short Miami won game 6 and 7 and LeBron got his second ring.  So why are the Spurs number 2?  Because Manu didn't show up.  Well, he showed up one game but the 8 turnovers game cancels his good game out.

1. 2005- Detroit Pistons (Lost in 7 Games)
Like I said earlier, the Pistons weren't a team of superstars.  They were just a team of really good players who could get it done.  They had one of the best starting five players I could think of:  Chauncey Billups, Mr. Big Shot, Rip Hamilton with his face mask, Tayshaun Prince, gets shit done and probably has a good personality, Rasheed Wallace, big man with a jumper that can talk shit, and Big Ben Wallace, who wasn't going to score a lot, but he was going to get them boards and stop you from scoring.  Coming off their championship run, the Pistons were ready to face the Tim Duncan and the Spurs.  It took 7 games and a big short from Robert Horry somewhere in that series to put the Pistons away.  Out of all these losers I've talked about on this list, the Pistons are definitely the best.

Ok, this concludes my latest (and laziest) blog post.  I have you guys enjoyed it.  It was been a fun NBA season but I'm not done with my NBA posts just yet.  In just two days I will release another post for the NBA draft.  (Oh my god, it's like Christmas.)  In case you were wondering New York was really awesome. (Nobody asked.)  Stay tuned for my blog posts and follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram at CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  Feel free to Facebook stalk and real life stalk.  And on Tumblr my name is SirElGuapo.  Stay Guapo out there!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

1 Year Anniversary

Hello folks!  This is El Guapo again with another edition of Infinite Wisdom.  Today is a very special day.  One year ago on this day I wrote the very first post of Infinite Wisdom from El Guapo’s Brain.  I can honestly say I didn't expect to keep writing this one year later.  (I didn't expect to be writing one month later.)  Has anything really changed in one year?  Yes and no.  I’m still the same Guaps: smart, charismatic, sexy.  I returned to my old summer job at Bath Fitter.  But maybe I’m a little bit more mature.  (Not really.)  I got to go back to college and you can argue that my writing is better.  I do.  (I might be wrong.)  I’m just glad that you guys have stuck around for a year and allowed me to write these prophetic words for your eyes to read.

Here is a brief story to celebrate this special occasion.  This is the story of how I got a free gym membership by complimenting a girl's ass.  One year ago I was working at Bath Fitter.  I had the same position I have today but with less pay.  I basically stand by my company's display and talk to people about the product.  That part isn't really important.  I was at an event out in Walnut Creek with one of my co-workers and we were just standing around.  There was this gym from Walnut Creek with a display.  They were signing people up for gym memberships at the event.  This will be relevant in a little bit.  So I notice my co-worker staring out at something.  I look to see what is captivating her and then I see it.  THE MOST AMAZING ASS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!  I'm not fucking around here.  I have never seen a better ass than the aforementioned ass.  And she's white!  (What?!?)  And she was wearing yoga pants.  YOGA PANTS!  Imagine the best ass you could possibly think of.  That ass would be cute compared to this ass.  And just know I don't go randomly awarding "Best Ass" awards to every girl I see.  


So naturally I'm staring at this lady's donk for a while.  Then after a few minutes of drooling my co-worker breaks the silence and says, "You seeing what I'm seeing?"  I say, "Yeah.  God's gift to mankind."  She starts talking about how jealous she is and I talk about how I've never seen anything like that.  At some point my co-working tells me to ask her how she gets her butt so perfect.  If you know me, you know I have absolutely no shame so I agree.  So I walk up and on my way to this lady with the perfect glutes I'm going through my mind on how I can ask this girl about her ass without getting slapped.  "I gotta be smooth with it" I think to myself.  I finally reach the lady and my mind goes blank.  I gotta say something, anything to not make this awkward so I open my mouth and what comes out is, "That is the best ass I've ever seen."  I'm expecting this lady to get mad but instead she smiles and takes the compliment.  We get to talking about her rear and what she does to maintain it.  (Ladies, she knows what she's doing.)  During this convo I'm kind of leaning over every once in a while to get another glimpse.  After a while she tells about the gym she works for and how they have a special for 20 bucks or something for the month.  But since I'm such a nice guy I get a month for free!  I never actually ended up using my month trail since I'm never in Walnut Creek.  The moral of the story: be like me.

I apologize this post is so short.  I just wanted to give you guys a brief post in celebration of my blog’s one year anniversary.  I’m in New York City this week on vacation.  This city is hella dope.  There’s all these tall buildings and shit.  I might not want to go back home.  I may or may not write my next blog post on my vacation.  (I probably won’t.)  I hope you guys enjoy your summer.  Stay tuned for my next blog post.  Follow me on Twitter @ElGUAPO3 and my Instagram name is CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  Stay Guapo out there!