Thursday, May 23, 2013

Guapo at the Warriors Fan Rally

Your eyes do not deceive you!  Two Guapo posts back to back!  Before I get started on today's post I want to apologize for my last one.  It wasn't my best effort but I had to meet my quota.  This one should be better.  (Can't promise anything though.)  Last night the Golden State Warriors hosted a fan rally at Oracle Arena and I just had to go.  The event was so awesome that I had to write a brand new post about it.  This is what happened.

As everyone knows I am a huge fan of the Warriors, so understandably I jump on the opportunity to go to this thing.  The event starts at 6 but me and my dad get there a little after 5 and there is already a huge line.  My dad claims he can get me in to some VIP thing and I'm thinking he's just bullshitting me, but it's worth a try.  My dad works for the county, which owns the arena, but it's not like he runs the county.  But somehow my dad just talks his way into letting us pass all the lines and what not.  So we're just sitting close to the court and I'm thinking, "This is probably the closest I've ever sat to the court.  This is amazing, I don't know how this could get any better."  My dad then goes to me and says, "I'm going to see if they will let you shoot around."  There are some people shooting around but I'm guessing these are higher up people, maybe some trainers.  I doubt they would let the Guaps on the court.  But again my dad pulls off a miracle and talks to a bunch of people and in the end they let me on the court.

So I'm shooting around, missing a lot of shots and my mind is just racing.  "I'm on the court right now!  This is where my favorite team plays!"  That's probably why I was missing so much.  (Not because I suck.)  Franco Finn, the Warriors hype-man wanted to play a game of H-O-R-S-E with me.  That went nowhere.  I mean neither of us were making shots.  After that me and my dad went to the Courtside Club, a place I've walked by but never been in.  They had this awesome spread of cheese and crackers.  (There was a lot of cheese.)  There were meatballs, this weird pasta, fruit, and shrimp.  Now, if you don't know I'm allergic to shrimp, but every time there is shrimp I still eat it.  And I still suffer.  Never mind that because I'm having a great freaking time!

So finally the actual program starts and we go back out to the court.  The players are sitting on these chairs in the middle of the court and there is a podium in the center.  There's Harrison Barnes,  Festus Ezeli, Carl Landry, Kent freakin' Bazemore, Brandon Rush and Steph Curry himself.  Now before I continue on, let me just note that in the Bay Steph Curry is like a fucking movie star.  Other players are famous, but Steph is on a whole 'nother level.  I saw this one girl meet him and she was out of breathe, crying and shit like a Mexican lady who just saw the Virgin Mary under a bridge.  Steph had to have two body guards on him at all times.  He's like the Ryan Gosling of the basketball world.

My lucky ass gets to sit courtside while the program is going on.  (Damn, I was spoiled.)  Not only that, I'm sitting next to Steph Curry's wife and daughter.  The wife is a certified Milf if there ever was one and his daughter was so adorable.  She was getting so excited when the crowd was getting rowdy for Stephen.  And while the program was going on Steph would look over to his wife and daughter and wave or point.  Since I was sitting next to them it almost felt like he was waving to me!  (Not in a gay way.  Just in a "Hey, bro.  You've been a loyal fan for years.  This season was for you.")  So Tim Roye started the program and members from the Alameda County and the City of Oakland  made some speeches.  Oakland's mayor Jean Quan spoke and declared yesterday Warriors Fans Day in Oakland.  She got booed in the process and that was hilarious!  (She's no Ron Dellums.)  After all that the players went up and answered some questions that Tim Roye provided.  It was a really good program.

After all that some of the players lingered so I was able to get some pictures with most of them with some autographs on my Warriors playoff t-shirt.  I got pictures with everyone with the exception of Steph Curry because security wouldn't let me but I was able to get him to sign my shirt.  But all that doesn't matter because I got a picture with Kent freakin' Bazemore.  He's probably the greatest bench warmer to ever set foot on an NBA sideline.  I got a picture with Festus and I swear that dude could pick me up with one hand like Steph can pick up his daughter.  Come to think of it I look like a little boy in all my pictures with the players.

It was an amazing night and I think that might be my peak.  There is a possibility that is as good as my life gets.  And I'm OK with that.  It was a great way to wrap up an amazing season.  I'm so proud of my Warriors for giving me something to really proud of.  And to top it all off I got to catch the end of the Indiana/Miami game so that was really dope.

Well that's it for my story.  I'm going to be posting a lot more this summer and I've already got some things in motion.  For starters I have to update my Favorite Warriors Players blog and move Stephen "Movie Star" Curry up even higher.  The NBA Finals are coming up so I'm going to be writing about that.  I might even update my NBA Finals Losers blog post after the series is all over.  We'll cross that bridge when we get there.  I'm also planning on doing a top 10 NBA draft classes in honor of the NBA draft.  And if you are sick of sports blog post don't worry I got some more Guapo stories for y'all coming up, including a special story to celebrate my blog's one year anniversary on June 9th.  You can check out that first post here.  Plus a bunch of more stuff is coming your way.  Follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and on Instagram at CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  Stalk me on Facebook if you know my real name.  Stay tuned and stay Guapo out there!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Ranking the How I Met Your Mother Seasons

Hello everybody!  El Guapo is back after a little bit of a break with a new blog post!  I know you guys have been yearning for some of this wisdom and I like to think I deliver in a timely fashion.  Unfortunately with the school year wrapping up I wasn't able to post.  But alas the summer has come and I've blown the cobwebs off my pen and legal pad on got to writing.  To be honest I wasn't sure what to write about.  I can't help but think that you guys might be getting tired of posts about sports.  (I am.)  Considered writing about movies but I hadn't seen any good ones recently.  (And who wants to read about Oblivion or Evil Dead? No one.) So in the midst of my writers block I decided to tune in to the season finale of one of my favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother.  Somewhere along the way I decided to rank the seasons so you're welcome HIMYM fans.

For those who don't know, How I Met Your Mother is basically an old Ted telling his kids the story of how he met his wife and their mother.  The show's gone on for 8 seasons now and if I had to give the show a review on the spot I'd give it a solid "Guapo".  It's a touching story of Ted Mosby's quest for true love and aren't we all looking for that special gal to call our baby mama?  My ideal girl has wide enough birthing hips to give birth to my 8 pound squid baby.  (Everyone knows Guapo babies come out the womb with tentacles.)  So let's get started with this ranking!

8. Season 6 (Best Episode- Blitzgiving)
This season was by no means a bad one, it was just the least good out of the rest of the seasons.  Marshall's dad's death made me super sad.  Can anyone really tell me they were a fan of Zoey and keep a straight face?  (I can't.)  She was kinda hot though, and Katy Perry was too.  Plus who doesn't love the Captain.  He is the epitome of the man I want to grow to be.  The Blitz was also good for laughs.  (We all have that one friend who ends up being the Blitz.)

7. Season 7 (Best Episode- Trilogy Time)
I loved Quinn.  If Barney had been marrying Quinn instead of Robin I honestly wouldn't be that mad.  I'm just glad he didn't end up with Nora.  The season finale was great.  (Waitforit is still the coolest middle name of all time!)  I'm just hung up on the fact that Ted is still hung up on Robin.  I mean Jesus, buddy.  Her vagina broke!  She can't push a squid baby through that thing.

6. Season 8 (Best Episode- P.S. I Love You)
The return of a darker Robin Sparkles! And the Captain is back!  I could do without Victoria but at least Robin and Barney are finally together and it looks like it'll be forever!  Plus at long last we finally meet the mother.  I don't know about you guys but I was getting restless.  After years of being teased I was ready for this.  Plus that bat shit crazy girl Jeanette was good for a few laughs.  And who doesn't love Patrice?

5. Season 2 (Best Episode- Slap Bet)
So many great moments in this season.  There's the girl with the crazy eyes, we met Barney's gay, black brother and Lily and Marshall got married.  And am I the only one who fantasizes their bachelor party being like Marshall's?  (Probably.)  This is really where I think the show elevated itself into a great show.  Only reason I put this so low on the list is because I'm not a fan of that Ted/Robin combo.

4. Season 1 (Best Episode- The Pineapple Incident)
This is really before the show hit its comedic stride but I couldn't deny it had some great moments.  This is the season where we met poor innocent little Ted.  Marshall wasn't fat yet.  Game Night is still one of my favorite episodes and would be my favorite of this season if it weren't for the genius that is The Pineapple Incident.  And up until the season 8 finale I was pushing for the mother to be Mary the Paralegal.

3. Season 5 (Best Episode- Girls vs Suits)
This is actually the very first season I watched in full.  I saw this season and fell in love with the show and I had to go back and watch every single season.  I loved seeing Robin and Barney together, even if it was only for a few episodes.  Plus the Playbook was awesome.  I actually bought a copy of it.  Can't tell if it works or not though. (It really doesn't, but who cares.)  Slapsgiving came back and a grand musical number about suits sung by Barney?  Yes, please.  There were so many good episodes in this season like the inspirational The Perfect Week and Say Cheese.  It was really just a good all round season.


2. Season 3 (Best Episode- Slapsgiving)
How about instead of me listing the episodes I liked I just list the episodes I didn't like... Hold on...Couldn't find any.  This is the season when they introduced the Bro Code.  (Another book I ended up purchasing at the extinct Borders.)  Barney and Robin hooked up for the first time and Ted got a tramp stamp!  Plus who can say no to Barney's green St. Patty's Day Suit?

1. Season 4 (Best Episode- The Naked Man)
This is season when How I Met Your Mother hit its prime.  I'm not saying the show got progressively worse but it was at its best during season 4.  Barney was chasing Robin and Ted got engaged, then left at the alter.  (Sad but entertaining.)  The Naked Man is still I move I want to do one day.  ( Who wouldn't.)  And I loved Barney's video resume.  To top it all off Barney had sex with his 200th woman.  That's a lot.

Alright guys that's enough of my blogging for the month.  But I will be back next month and more regularly so you can look forward to that.  If for some reason you aren't looking forward to this summer you can always look forward to more Guapo.  As always you can follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3.  Feel free to stalk me on Facebook Raynesha.  And after months of requests I've finally given in and got myself an Instagram.  I already grace you guys with my words might as well throw in some free pics while I'm at it.  Anywho the name is CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  Thanks for reading and stay Guapo out there!