Saturday, June 9, 2012

Let's get Aquainted

Hello all!  This is the one and only El Guapo writing and you are reading the first edition of my new blog.  This is like the pilot of a tv show, so this is really just so you can get a sense of what the rest of these are going to be like.  Before I start talking about the blog itself, I'll talk about myself for a bit.

For those who haven't met me and just stumbled onto my blog (it happens), I'm El Guapo.  A lot of people will claim the name but who else goes balls to the walls and gets himself a kick ass logo.  This Guy.

So how did I even get a name like that?  Great question.  As you can see from the photo above, I earned it.  But being handsome does not automatically give someone the necessary tools to start a blog.  That's where my wisdom comes in.  At a ripe 19 years of age I'm as wise as man who's lived three lifetimes and a half.  As handsome as I am wise, I make a great role model for people everywhere.  People might as well call me El Sabio, which means El Wise-o in spanish.  But Guapo just sounds better.

Now I'm knowledgeable in many, many subjects.  And this knowledge is truly contrived from my cultured childhood.  Growing up in Oakland as a young Guatemalan American I was exposed to a lot of crime in my neighborhood.  For a lot of young teens in bad hoods it's quite easy to succumb to a life of drugs and gangs. But instead I turned my attention to being handsome and having hobbies and stuff.  Also I went to a private school in Alameda.  So it all worked out.

I could go a whole paragraph just listing my many titles.  So hear it goes.  Entrepreneur, rapper, screenwriter, out of work model, song writer, scientist, milf hunter, genius, critic, athlete, fashion expert, dinosaur expert, masseuse, chef, handy man, prophet, black belt, dog whisperer, actor, show worker for Bath Fitter, bocce ball champion, role model, inventor, student, teacher, and blogger.  Yeah.

Enough about me.  Let's get to the blog. This blog is just me spewing my wisdom into your brains via the internet.  Most of my blogs will be categorized into 4 different, uh, categories: Rants, Reviews, Top 10's, and Stories.

Some times there's a subject so grand that the world needs one man to tackle it.  That's where King Guaps comes in.  This is basically your chance to witness wisdom at it's purest form.  When I rant, it's unfiltered, unapologetic, and unedited, but what you're getting is the truth.

I've listed my various titles and of those many titles one of the few I hold dearly is that of a critic.  If there is one thing I'm really proud of it would have to be my ability to acknowledge great quality.  Whether it be movies, music, food, clothes, dog food, dinosaurs, athletes, tv shows or laundry detergent, I have the ability to fairly critique it.  So without further delay, I unveil the official scoring system for El Guapo's reviews. 

Feo= Terrible/ Shitty;  Not Guapo= Pretty Bad/ Not recommended;  Ight= Ok, I guess/  I didn't hate it;
Guapo= Good Shit/  Met El Guapo's Standards for quality;  Guapisimo= Amazing/ Best of the Best

Reviews that are Guapo or Guapisimo will receive the Guapo approved logo.

Top 10's
I love lists.  And I love rankings.  So I will make lists that rank shit.  It could be Top 10 easiest athletes to make fun of.  I'm not necessarily doing that one but it's just an example.  This is basically for shits and gigs.  You can make your own top 10 and compare it to my top 10.  Knock yourself out, kids.

Who doesn't love stories?  I'll tell you who.  People who hate happiness.  I love stories.  And if you love them as much as a normal person should you are in luck because I am stacked with stories.  Explosions, car chases, sword fights and sex with Victoria's Secret models are just some of the things that haven't happened yet, but probably will within the next five years.

So stay tuned.  Because I get better and better.  And I guarantee you that after you finish reading my blogs, you'll feel wiser too.

1 comment:

  1. You forgot to put Beta in your description