Sunday, March 30, 2014

Ranking the How I Met Your Mother Seasons (Series Finale Version)

Oh hey guys!  Didn't see you there!  I've just been sitting here and reminiscing over the last 21 years.  (We get it!  You're 21!)  For the new kids in school, let me introduce myself.  My name is El Guapo and I'm the sole proprietor of this blog.  Every once in a (long) while when I'm in the mood I'll sit down in front of my laptop and write some magnificent shit for your eye holes to admire.  Speaking of reminiscing, I know I'm not the only one busting out the ice cream bucket for the finale of How I Met Your Mother.  It's been a long ride but this show has finally come to an end.  So instead of crying about it and decided to write about it to celebrate its long run on TV.  Yes, this post is just an updated version of a previous post.  (Not the first time he's done something like this.)  But I had to choose between binge watching the seasons 1 through 9 or coming up with an entirely new concept to write about this show before the finale on Monday.  One of the options required significantly less work than the other.  So let's suit up and count this mother down.

For those who don't know, How I Met Your Mother is basically an old Ted telling his kids the story of how he met his wife and their mother.  The show's gone on for 9 seasons now and if I had to give the show a review on the spot I'd give it a solid "Guapo".  It's a touching story of Ted Mosby's quest for true love and aren't we all looking for that special gal to call our baby mama?  My ideal girl has wide enough birthing hips to give birth to my 8 pound squid baby.  (Everyone knows Guapo babies come out the womb with tentacles.)  So let's get started with this ranking! 

9. Season 6 (Best Episode- Blitzgiving)
This season was by no means a bad one, it was just the least good out of the rest of the seasons.  Marshall's dad's death made me super sad.  Can anyone really tell me they were a fan of Zoey and keep a straight face?  (I can't.)  She was kinda hot though, and Katy Perry was too.  Plus who doesn't love the Captain.  He is the epitome of the man I want to grow to be.  The Blitz was also good for laughs.  (We all have that one friend who ends up being the Blitz.)

8. Season 7 (Best Episode- Trilogy Time)
I loved Quinn.  If Barney had been marrying Quinn instead of Robin I honestly wouldn't be that mad.  I'm just glad he didn't end up with Nora.  The season finale was great.  (Waitforit is still the coolest middle name of all time!)  I'm just hung up on the fact that Ted is still hung up on Robin.  I mean Jesus, buddy.  Her vagina broke!  She can't push a squid baby through that thing.

7. Season 8 (Best Episode- P.S. I Love You)
The return of a darker Robin Sparkles! And the Captain is back!  I could do without Victoria but at least Robin and Barney are finally together and it looks like it'll be forever!  Plus at long last we finally meet the mother.  I don't know about you guys but I was getting restless.  After years of being teased I was ready for this.  Plus that bat shit crazy girl Jeanette was good for a few laughs.  And who doesn't love Patrice?

6. Season 2 (Best Episode- Slap Bet)
So many great moments in this season.  There's the girl with the crazy eyes, we met Barney's gay, black brother and Lily and Marshall got married.  And am I the only one who fantasizes their bachelor party being like Marshall's?  (Probably.)  This is really where I think the show elevated itself into a great show.  Only reason I put this so low on the list is because I'm not a fan of that Ted/Robin combo.

5. Season 9 (Best Episode- The End of the Aisle)
This season is the most creative of the series in terms of its structure.  A whole season fit into just a matter of days.  It's no 24 Hours but hey, they did a hell of a job with it.  They gave us glimpses of the future while also tying up loose ends.  It certainly didn't lack in comedic or dramatic moments.  And I think we were all relieved when Ted finally got over Robin.  The End of the Aisle is my favorite episode for now, pending the premiere of the finale.  I'm sure people were cheering when Robin and Barney got married.  This season has some wiggle room to move up or down this list depending on how the finale goes.


4. Season 1 (Best Episode- The Pineapple Incident)
This is really before the show hit its comedic stride but I couldn't deny it had some great moments.  This is the season where we met poor innocent little Ted.  Marshall wasn't fat yet.  Game Night is still one of my favorite episodes and would be my favorite of this season if it weren't for the genius that is The Pineapple Incident.  And up until the season 8 finale I was pushing for the mother to be Mary the Paralegal.

3. Season 5 (Best Episode- Girls vs Suits)
This is actually the very first season I watched in full.  I saw this season and fell in love with the show and I had to go back and watch every single season.  I loved seeing Robin and Barney together, even if it was only for a few episodes.  Plus the Playbook was awesome.  I actually bought a copy of it.  Can't tell if it works or not though. (It really doesn't, but who cares.)  Slapsgiving came back and a grand musical number about suits sung by Barney?  Yes, please.  There were so many good episodes in this season like the inspirational The Perfect Week and Say Cheese.  It was really just a good all round season.


2. Season 3 (Best Episode- Slapsgiving)
How about instead of me listing the episodes I liked I just list the episodes I didn't like... Hold on...Couldn't find any.  This is the season when they introduced the Bro Code.  (Another book I ended up purchasing at the extinct Borders.)  Barney and Robin hooked up for the first time and Ted got a tramp stamp!  Plus who can say no to Barney's green St. Patty's Day Suit?

1. Season 4 (Best Episode- The Naked Man)
This is season when How I Met Your Mother hit its prime.  I'm not saying the show got progressively worse but it was at its best during season 4.  Barney was chasing Robin and Ted got engaged, then left at the alter.  (Sad but entertaining.)  The Naked Man is still a move I want to do one day.  ( Who wouldn't.)  And I loved Barney's video resume.  To top it all off Barney had sex with his 200th woman.  That's a lot.

Alright guys.  One last episode for the series and I'm looking forward to it.  I'm glad to see how everything is shaping together.  I want to give a thank you to the cast and creators of the show for putting this adventure together and making us fall in love with the characters.  So farewell to Ted, Barney, Marshall, Lilly and Robin.  (Don't forget Ranjit!)  As usual you can follow me on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  It's been a legendary show and I hope this blog post did i justice.  Stay Guapo out there!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Living Life Through Movie Quotes (The Matrix)/Guapo turns 21

Hello once again readers.  This is El Guapo coming at you with another edition of Infinite Wisdom From El Guapo's Brain.  Do you know where I get a good chunk of my wisdom?  (The heavens?)  Nope.  Believe it or not sometimes I look to the cinema for inspiration.  Now I'm not talking about going to see a Tyler Perry movie for relationship advice or an Adam Sandler movie for family advice.  But the right movies can provide you with some gems to take home.  One movie that really inspires me is The Matrix.  The first time I saw it I was probably 6 years old and I saw it with my dad.  At 6 I really loved the action, the kung fu fighting, the gun shooting.  It was later on in my youth that I figured out what the story was and was able to appreciate it more and appreciate Trinity in black leather a lot more.  Now 21, or a grown ass man, I can dive deeper in this movie and pick out some quotes to guide me through life.  Here are some of my favorites.

"Get up, Trinity. Get up!"
This line comes from Trinity herself in the first scene in the movie.  She's running from the cops and the agents and she's jumped through a window and landed on her back with her pistols aimed at the window.  She's almost to the land line, she just needs to get up and get moving.  So she tells herself what she needs to do.  Sometimes we just need to motivate ourselves.  When we fall we just need to tell ourselves to get up.

"The answer is out there, Neo.  It's looking for you.  And it will find you.  If you want it to."
Another gem from Trinity.  This is from the scene where she meets Neo at that weird club where I'm sure people getting whipped for pleasure.  Neo wants to know what the Matrix is and this is Trinity's response.  It makes sense for all our major questions.  Sometimes the best way to find the answer, rather than to go out and search for it, it's best to let the answer come to you.  If you're open to it the answer is going to reach.

"You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up."
Morpheus hooks us up with this gem.  Damn.  Just marinate on that for a second.  A little bit longer.  Sometimes you look at a situation, life, work and you just accept it.  Not because you're a sheep like everyone else but because you can sense the truth.  You can see the puppet strings but you're still a puppet.  Likewise, Neo senses there is something off with his world, but it's not until Morpheus frees his mind that Neo can cut the strings.

"I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my own life."
Morpheus asks Neo the simple question.  "Do you believe in fate?"  Neo answers, "No."  This was his reason.  Everybody has their own answer to this question.  Personally I'm on the fence but I might lean towards no.  But whether you believe in fate or not his answer can still resonate with you.  The idea that I am not in control of my life and that I can't dictate one way or another how my life ends up is not one I can get on board with.

"Don't think you are.  Know you are."
Ain't this some real shit.  Morpheus should have been a life coach or at the very least a CYO basketball coach.  Attitude is one of the biggest obstacles in our way.  Sometimes the way we think gets in the way of our success.  And that's the key word: think.  If I think I'm the greatest blogger of this generation then at most it's just a thought.  It's an opinion that may or may not be right.  (It's right.)  There's room for doubt.  When you change the terminology to "know" it's a whole different story.  Because I know how good I am I can deliver A1 quality work to your screen every time I write.  I'm not limited because I know my strengths.

"Come on!  Stop trying to hit me and hit me!"
Morpheus with another gem.  Damn, this guy is like a walking Poor Richard's Almanac.  Again, this really has to do with how our attitude can alter our success.  You ever notice the difference between trying to accomplish a goal and actually accomplishing it?  The difference is you're actually doing it.  Sounds simple, execution is a little harder.  But when you get your head out of your ass and get to changing your thought process, the world just looks different.  So don't try to get that promotion, young grasshopper, go get that shit.

"I can only show you the door.  You're the one who has to walk through it."
Surprise, surprise.  You already know Morpheus blessed us with this one.  We've all had that person (or sometimes people) in our lives that has served as a guide.  That taught us how to be men and women in society.  A person that we could rely on constantly to be a rock and a compass.  But that person can't live our lives for us.  I had a couple mentors in my 21 (great) years of life but my dad is the most notable.  But I know as much as I can ask him for advice and wisdom (which surprisingly surpasses El Guapo's) I still have to make my own decisions and go through with them.  I still have to experience the triumphs and consequences to my actions.

"Why, oh why, didn't I take the blue pill?"
Taking a break from Morpheus, this line comes to use from the traitor Cipher.  Not necessarily advice but it is accurate of our thought process.  Have you ever made a decision in your life and as you were following though you thought about how much easier it would have been if you chose the other plan?  Sometimes the things we want or need are a lot tougher to get to.  The good things in life don't come easy.  But the sacrifice is worth it in the end.  We can still throw ourselves a 2 minute pity party but after that we have to get back on our grind or we'll end up like Cipher who gets killed after betraying the party.  (Spoilers!)

"No one can tell you you're in love.  You just know it."
I feel it.  This one comes from the Oracle herself.  Neo is questioning whether or not he's the One and the Oracle compares it to being in love.  Anyone who is in love or has ever been in love can get on bored with this.  I know I can.  Nobody told me I was in love with my girl.  I just knew.  I couldn't explain the feeling to someone but I know it because I feel it.  (Well, I've never been in love Guaps!)  Well this quote is obviously not for you!  Skip ahead to the next one.

"There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
Last quote comes from non other than Morpheus... Again.  I can't even begin to explain how real this is.  As people we are aware of the decisions and the paths we have to take.  Sometimes we are faced with a moral dilemma and it's easier to make the immoral decision but we know the right thing to do is the tough decision.  It's a lot different to know the right thing to to do than to actually do it.  It doesn't just have to do with moral decisions.  This also applies to the paths our lives lead.  Some people have goals but don't make plans for them.  They don't take the actions necessary to get there.  These people know what needs to be done to accomplish their goals but that's it.  They are not walking the path.

So there you have it!  Some wisdom coming from me via The Matrix.  Remember, you can find wisdom anywhere, even movies.  How did you guys like it?  If this is successful I might do the same thing with another movie.  If not I'll just come back with some of my classic shit.  As you can probably tell by the title or by the several hints I dropped I just recently turned 21.  (Happy Birthday Guapo!)  It's too late for that asshole.  But I'll consider you reading this a birthday present.  This birthday is the biggest one I had in a while in the sense of the impact it has on me.  It took a while to sink in but when it did it hit me like a brick hits baby cows.  I'm twenty-fucking-one years old.  There's no place I can't go.  (Except private property.)  I had a great birthday weekend.  Had some of my boys come from the Bay, Garrett and DK.  Also had my boys out here in LA, Hassell and Justice.  And most importantly I had my girlfriend Lily with me.  I've always had the mindset that it didn't matter what I did on my birthday as long as I spent it with the people I love.

 Now that I'm an older Guapo you can expect even wiser and more profound shit from this blog.  So keep on the lookout for new material coming at you.  As usual you can hit me up at the comments section to let me know what you like and/or don't like.  I might actually listen.  Hit me up on Twitter @ELGUAPO3 and Instagram @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME.  I'm on Tumblr at  You can even hit up on LinkedIn!  Don't drink and drive, wear condoms, and most importantly stay Guapo out there!