Friday, June 6, 2014

Ranking the X-Men Movies

What up people!  I am El Guapo and welcome to another edition of Infinite Wisdom.  It's about that time of year where I have a lot of time on my hands but I know it's not gonna last forever so I feverishly start doling out blog posts like it's going out of style, hoping and praying that at least one of which hits the mark.  During these times is when I hit my creative stride anyway.  My mind produces ideas like a Nokia factory produces robust phones.  They're not always good but I can still filter them.  Sometimes I might go back at my old posts and try to revisit a concept in hopes that my post will catch similar success and that I save time and brain energy.  Where does that leave us?  Back to another ranking post.  This time in light of the recent (three week old) movie release of X-Men: Days of Future Past, I'm going to rank all the X-Men movies from worst to best.  Enjoy.

7) X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Right off the bat this might be one of my least favorite films of all time.  This and Batman & Robin must be in a contest to see which is the worst movie in a successful superhero movie franchise.  I don't know what's worst thing about this movie.  I could be the dialogue.  It could be the lame superheroes.  It could be Logan's brother.  It could be Ryan Reynolds (who should never be in any superhero movie, ever) or it could be Logan walking away from an exploding helicopter.  The point is, if you're going to make a bad movie you want to make it forgettable.  The problem is I can never get this movie out of my memory banks and that's a crime.

6) The Wolverine
Maybe I'm just getting tired of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine but I didn't even bother watching this movie in theaters.  I was almost going to skip it entirely and still write this blog.  I probably would have put it in this same spot because I know no one was capable of making a worse movie than X-Men Origins.  (I was right.)  I didn't hate this movie.  Maybe because I rented it for $1 at RedBox.  Kind of forgettable.  Story was OK.  Didn't have any other interesting mutants so I guess it's not really an X-Men movie.  The fight scene on top of the moving train was pretty cool.

5) X-Men: The Last Stand
I didn't hate this movie as much as other people did.  For me it was, eh.  Not very memorable.  I thought Angel would have a bigger role.  Mystique only got a few minutes of airtime which was a waste.  Cyclopes dies early on.  I guess seeing the Phoenix was kinda cool.  Beast was a nice takeaway.  Story could have been better.  I just thought the movie was bland.  It was like eating cardboard.  I'm sure it doesn't hurt to eat but nobody wants to eat cardboard more than once.  I won't voluntarily watch this movie again but if I turn on the TV on a random afternoon and nothing else is on except this movie I'm not gonna turn the TV off and read a book or something.  

 4) X-Men
I liked X-Men.  It was fresh.  I liked the mutants in this movie.  There's not much negative to be said about it.   (Maybe that frog guy was lame.)  It set the standard for other Marvel movies to come. I might even go rent it after I finish this blog.  The success of this movie set the groundwork for the rest of this series.  And to top everything off we were introduced to Rebecca Romijn as Mystique.

3) X-Men: First Class
The franchise needed this movie after that dud of a movie Origins.  This was an origin movie done right.  Who knew Kevin Bacon could play a supervillain?  (One day he's making us dance, the next day he's a malicious mutant.)  Anyone who knows me knows that Michael Fassbender is one of my favorite actors.  His portrayal of Magneto gave (Sir) Ian McKellen a run for his money.  (Thank you God for the Fass.)  Jennifer Lawrence is no Rebecca Romijn but she did a pretty good job with Mystique.  (I'll come out and say it: I think Jennifer Lawrence is overrated.)  Some of the mutants were a little cheesy but I liked this group.  What I really liked about this movie is that it's the only movie that does not have any Hugh Jack- oh wait.  Nevermind.  He appears for like 4 seconds.  Still, it's one of my favorite entries.

 2) X-Men: Days of Future Past
Confusing title aside, this was one of the best X-Men crafted by Bryan Singer.  This movie had all the elements.  First of all, it had a pretty solid story that was dark when it needed to be.  The film was action packed from the start.  The best part of this franchise has always been the characters though.  There was a little bit of Storm, old Magneto, old Professor X and other favorite mutants from the previous movies.  Wolverine was obviously in it because Hugh Jackman put a "don't leave me out" clause when he signed his first contract with X-Men.  They brought back young Professor X, young Magneto and young Mystique.  They even introduced some new fun characters.  The Sentinels weren't technically characters, being machines in all, but they were pretty cool.  They might even crack my Top 10 Movie Robots list if I ever update it. This and the Captain America movie were prime examples of how to do a superhero movie right.  Between those two I'd give Winter Soldier the nod for better movie, simply because it was fresher and I'm seriously getting a little tired of Hugh Jackman.  To the official ranking of this movie.  For a superhero movie it had all the right elements.  Great cast of characters.  Could have used less Wolverine, more young Magneto.  Strong plot that holds up through the hole film.  Ending was OK.  (Don't worry, I won't spoil.)  I give this movie a Guapo.  

1) X2: X-Men United
A lot of people were saying Days of Future Past was the best X-Men film.  I beg to differ.  While I did think it was a great entry, it doesn't beat X2.  X2 is one of the best superhero movies to date.  While it's no Dark Knight, it's definitely in the upper echelon of this genre.  This movie had the best cast of mutants compared to the other films.  We had Storm, Cyclopse, Mystique, Magneto, Rogue, and Porfessor X.  Wolverine was looking for his origins which was a fun story to follow.  (Seriously, why did they even make Origins?)  Jean actually did something interesting.  The most interesting new mutant was Night Crawler, a teleporter with a French (?) accent.  Plus the fight scene between Wolverine and that one chick was pretty cool.  

Well that's it for this list.  Thank you for tuning in to Infinite Wisdom.  I'm gonna take a small hiatus but I'll be back for a special Father's Day post.  Stay tuned for more Guapo stuff.  Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ELGUAPO3 and @CAPTAINCRUNCHTIME respectively.  I love you all for your support.  Stay Guapo out there.


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